tweetysd's Journal

Today is very hard, because mother's day is coming up and I had to make a card for my adopted mom. . When I did, the tv went off and the light in the curio cabinet came on. I know it was my biological mama, so I promised to make her a card also. But I don't know if I can. My dog, Purty, had a seisure last night, and I cried because I know it's almost her time to go. My husband asked me where I wanted to bury her. Of all things to ask me! I can't loose any one else. My papa cries for mama from timeto time so I have to try to keep him busy. I know it's very hard for him. But everyone expects me to be strong. Well, it hurts me just as much. With mother's day coming up I don't want it to happen. I helped papa hang pictures up on his wall. I think it helps. I just don't know if I can keep up the fasade. I feel guilty when I feel good and I feel guilty when I know if I would of gotten her here sooner she would be fine, So I have that guilt on top of everything else. Papa and I bought another rose bush and planted it with the others. They are all blooming nicely. Now we have white, red and yellow roses. They smell so good. Some days I wish my mama was here so I can share all these feelings with her. I plan on taking papa to San Antonio to the riverwalk. I know he will enjoy that. Only he worries about the dogs. I told him they will be fine for a day. It's only a couple hours from here. And we would be home at night.

I met another person on here that lost her father last week. I feel so bad for her. I know what's she going through. At least she got more time with him than I did with my mama. I know that sounds bad but it's true. I only got 4 years. And even then I only saw her less than that. because she lived in Germany at first then they moved to Puerto Rico. I couldn't go to Germany, but I did go to Puerto Rico. Then she came here a couple of times. It still wasn't enough time. Next year I am going to take papa back to Germany so he can see his family. And so I can meet my brothers.

Why does life have to be so difficult?