ChristinaCat85's Journal

just to let you guys know, my power cord to my laptop stopped working.

im broke so i cant buy another one so i dont know when i'll be on again unless my mom isnt on her computer, and she always is on it.

im livid. im in a fucking horrible mood. im beyond depressed and i just wanna get the fuck out of this state.

whatever.

i'll talk to you guys whenever i can.

so my big brother is having some medical issues right now that could be serious.

if you guys could pray for him, that'd be awesome. im trying not to flip out big time until test results come back but ya know, im not good at stuff like that lol i tend to be quite paranoid.

anyway, i'd really appreciate that from yall.

thanks alot.

<3

do you ever think about how maybe you should look at your life differently? maybe its not so horrible, maybe you have way more than you thought, maybe the good outweighs the bad, maybe we should treat people in our lives a bit better and  make sure we're giving what we're getting, maybe we dont deserve all the awesome stuff that we think we should get.

its mind blowing how ungrateful people really can be.

im sitting here with no money to my name, failing to get a good job, the person i love is thousands of miles away, i have some insane family drama going on, i wake up in pain every morning and go to sleep every night still in pain, i can barely go through a day without almost having an anxiety attack, ive been hurt and used in the worst of ways, things have happened to me that i dont even want to think about, muchless can i type them here, i have to look a huge scars on my body from someone else's stupid decision, im in a constant battle with myself to keep sanity...

but ive been thinking and im grateful for what i have, the positive things, but i should be way more grateful.

i have a family that is dysfunctional but they love me.

i have friends who love me.

i have a man who loves me.

i can walk despite this horrid pain im always in.

i have my own car that i paid for myself.

i have alot of things that ive earned by working my ass off at my previous job.

but most of all, im alive, despite everything ive been through.

what im getting at is that life is not easy. no one on this planet deserves to be treated like theyre a saint. no one is perfect enough to be given everything they desire.

we dont always get what we want cause we dont always deserve what we want.

we also dont always get what we want cause its not always what we need.

it makes me mad beyond words when i see people who have so many great things but all they can do is bitch about the small things that arent going right, the small things that dont matter.

each person in this world is always luckier than someone else.

youre life may suck beyond belief in the worst of ways but there is always something to be thankful for, so why cant a lot of us focus on that? why do we have to dwell on things that we cant change or fix? why do we dwell on our past when theres no way that we can go back and change what has happened before?

im guilty of all of these things. wishing i had more when i had enough. wishing i could change what i will never be able to change. losing sight of how i should be grateful for what i have and cherish it while i have it instead of only wanting more which would probably still not satisfy me . so on and so on.

im sure all of us are guilty of it.

i dunno why i decided to write this. i was just thinking about it and wanted to ramble like i always do. i also cant sleep and im bored so i tend to think a bit too much.

oh well, maybe it'll make people think twice. i know im gonna try to from now on.

maybe life will be a bit better, and hey, all of us could deal with that.