JimK's Journal

Thanks to some kind of miracle, and everyone here at DS, I actually made it through yesterday without killing anyone, including myself. I think too many things, both big and little, were happening in my life, and I was almost at that breaking point where I was losing control. My life seems to be getting back to some kind of normalcy today.

My mood has been bouncing up and down this week, and I'm not accustomed to that. When I get extremely upset, and I have been, I tend to take my frustration and anger out on others. I want to extend my sincere apologies to all of you. I never meant to say anything to hurt or offend anyone. I've made some friends here, and I really don't want to lose them.

I managed to drag myself to see my therapist. She seemed happy when I let out my anger. When I finally ran out of things to say, I felt much calmer. It was as if a ton of weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I told her that I would not be coming back for more sessions. She didn't even blink her eyes. By then, I think we both knew that I would be there again next week.

I believe she understands my problems much more than I do, or ever will. She said I'm opening up more, and she feels "we" are getting closer to finding the underlying reasons for my anger. She also feels more hopeful about getting rid of my suicidal thoughts, as well as a lot of my overall depression. I think it was a good and positive session, and yes, I will go there next week.

As for my possible trip to the hospital, my therapist calmed me down about that too. She said if that was what it takes to stay healthy, then I should definitely cooperate and do it.

Now that yesterday is over with, I feel a strangeness that seems to have settled over me. I feel relaxed, calm and peaceful without any worries.

A Daily Thought:

Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.." -- James Allen, 1864-1912, British-born American Essayist, Author of "As a Man Thinketh"