JimK's Journal

Thursday, May 15, 2008 -- 10:25 AM

There is a slight chance -- a very slight chance -- that someday I will listen to what my doctors tell me, and then follow their instructions.

I use several different medications for a variety of medical problems. When I take them, I usually start feeling better. Maybe that is the problem -- feeling better. I sometimes get to the point where I feel so good, that I decide I do not need the medication anymore, and then I stop using it. That is not a smart thing to do as I have learned time and time again.

Yesterday, the name of the game was panic attacks. Not having had a panic attack for a while, I stupidly decided that I did not need my anxiety medication anymore, so I stopped taking it. That was a mistake.

Early in the morning, I detected a panic attack that was coming clear out of the blue. At first, I thought it was my imagination. As the time wore on, and as the symptoms of a panic attack increased, I knew that one was definitely on the way and I was in trouble. I hurried into my kitchen, where I grabbed a bottle of Lorazepam, and took a 1 mg tablet of it. By that time, I had broken out into a sweat, I was trembling, and there was a lot of stiffness in my joints. Within 15 minutes of taking the medication, the symptoms of the panic attack were decreasing.

I was supposed to see my psychologist yesterday afternoon at 1:30. My ride was supposed to pick me up one hour before that. When my ride was 25 minutes late, I called the company, and ask about it. The dispatcher said he was unable to contact the driver, but that he should be at my apartment within five to seven minutes. He was wrong about that.

My ride had still not shown up by 1:30, which meant that I would be unable to make it to my appointment. That made me FURIOUS. I picked up the phone, and called the agency again. With my luck, I got the same dispatcher that I had talked with earlier. "You mean he still hasn't shown up," he asked. I said no, adding that it was too late for me to keep my appointment, so I wanted him to cancel my ride. I also told him that I did not want the company to put it down as a "No Show" on my part, since it was their driver that had not shown up. He agreed to that, and apologized for the "inconvenience."

Ten minutes later, the ride that was supposed to have been here much earlier, finally arrived. I asked the driver how he expected me to make my appointment when I was supposed to have been there by then. Before he had a chance to answer me, I told him that I had called the company and just canceled my ride.

Shortly after he left, I had another panic attack. I was not too surprised by that. I did the same routine about getting the medicine and taking some that I had earlier in the morning. This time, the panic attack was stronger, and it took much longer for the medication to work.

I need to get it through my thick head that when a doctor gives me medicine to take, I should not just arbitrarily quit taking it because I feel better. If my doctor prescribes medicine for me, I should take it until he tells me to stop.

There have been similar days to this, and I have always sworn to myself that I have learned my lesson. The sad thing is that I usually do the same thing again. Maybe someday I will really learn my lesson.

Quotes for Success:

“Success does not come to those who wait . . . and it does not wait for anyone to come to it.”

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