Join Now
He went and filed for divorce on Wednesday. The day before, he came over to the house (I had neglected to lock the door for some reason). He rang the bell and when I didn't answer, he just waltzed right in. I told him that I wasn't ready to talk then and that I would let him know when I was. I asked him to leave. He just kept walking back to the kitchen where I was. I told him to get out. I kept saying that over and over and I think he was a little shocked by it. He asked why I was so hostile! I couldn't believe it. I think he was totally befuddled by my anger! I literally shoved him out the door. As he was leaving he stated that he could file for divorce right then and then I would HAVE to respond to the things he wanted to talk about.
So I think that's what set him off. The next day at lunch he went and filed. He sent me an e-mail stating that over the course of the next couple days, I could expect someone to come to the door and serve me a summons for divorce proceedings. The entire e-mail was so cold, imperious, detached, objective, lawyerly, condescending, etc., etc. He stated in the e-mail that he understood my anger (how nice) and he urged me to set it aside my anger and realize at this point we're down to merely working out a financial deal, which really only comes down to numbers.
He looks at our 20 year relationship as now being merely a financial deal. I hate him.
Comments
I still feel horrible. I'm not coming out of it. I am beginning to wonder if this is how I will always feel.
Received an e-mail from him wanting to discuss division of assets (who gets what car, refinancing the house so he can get his equity out, dividing up mutual fund account, etc.) I simply cannot face it now. I have not replied to his e-mail. I want it to all go away. He seems so excited about his new life. I am not excited about mine.
Comments
-
you will NOT always feel this way. i promise.
-
I understand how you feel. My STBX called to talk about the divorce papers that he was served with. He was all cool and everything, talking as if we were discussing the weather, and I was devastated. Got off the phone and cried myself physically sick. I'm so, so very sorry that you're going through this. I truly am. We don't know each other except for here on DS but I feel for you and wish I could do something to help ease the suffering. Please know that I'm here for you. ((HUGS)) - Amy
-
You are hurting. Of course you are not excited about your life right now. You need time to heal from this. It is terrible that you know deep down that this disorder is there and that it is possibly the reason for the break up to begin with. But hon..until he is willing to face treatment and stick with it and take meds...you have to face the aftermath of what is taking place. Maybe once the financial things and asset division takes place..you will beable to heal from all of this. I do suggest that you attend counselling for yourself or a support group that deals with the survivors and loved ones of those with mental illness. It may help..but it will be a step in the right direction for you to begin to heal.
I'm back from my business trip. Boy, you sure have a lot of time to think when you're on planes and staying in a hotel. I just got sadder and sadder. I wanted to call him so badly. I would always call him to let him know I had arrived safely. This time I could not do that. And if I did, he wouldn't care.
When does the sadness go away? Why doesn't he care about me? How can you simply not care aout someone with whom you've been for 21 years?
Comments
-
I know what you mean. Whenever something happens, my first reaction is to want to call my STBX and tell him. Then it dawns on me that it isn't appropriate anymore. :( Half the things that happen, he wouldn't care about anyway. I feel you on that one. It's a miserable feeling. I can't answer your last questions b/c I have no idea how you can give your heart / life to someone and then just decide to take it away. (((HUGS))) - Amy
Past Entries
| February 2008 |
Sunday, 2/24
|
|
Saturday, 2/23
|
|
Friday, 2/22
|
|
Thursday, 2/21
|
I'm in the same boat. As a matter of fact, I could have wrote word for word, "He looks at our 20 year relationship as now being merely a financial deal. I hate him."
But my problem is, no matter how bad I HATE him, I really love him & that makes me the maddest. It seems that I can't even get that right.
Good luck to you!
CJshootnbbq
When my ex moved out, I went away for a 3-day weekend and allowed him complete access to the house. Imagine my surprise when I came home to find him sitting on the couch in his underwear, watching TV, doing laundry! When I told him I would send a bill for the utilities he used during my absence, he had the nerve to accuse me of being bitchy about it. I now realize he was just using my anger as an excuse to blame me for the divorce he wanted.
tncindy
I think you can ask your atty., to insist on a mental evaluation
Kare1
I am separated after 29 years. He fell out oflove with me. I cannot get around this in my head. I am afraid of being alone
wisly03
I am so sorry that you are suffering. Would he be willing to hold off on the divorce long enough to get a psyche evaluation done? Hugs hon..I am here for you.
pixiedst