AngeGirl2007's Journal

Dear Lord Jesus,
 
I know I've been holding it in, pretending it isn't there. I didn't want You to see it. I stuffed the ugliness of it deep within my heart, in hopes that You would just turn away. In hopes that I would forget and be okay.
 
But I'm not okay. I'm angry and depressed. Angry at You, Lord, for letting my baby die. You are the Master Physician. You could have saved my baby. Why didn't You? Oh why?
I feel as if I am walking around in a daze. I try to relate to my toddler, but I just push her away. I retreat to my bed and take a nap. Awaking, I know I must fix supper, but I don't want to. Maybe if I just lay here, I'll drift off into oblivion. Maybe I'll melt into the bed. Become invisible.
 
How can I face another day, Lord? I know I must. I'm a good wife and mother. We both know that. But some days, I just want to die and be with You and my little son. My only son. My first-born son.
 
How cruel that we should be separated so soon! I never got a chance to sing to him, to cradle him in my arms, to nurse him and watch his eyes lock with mine in that way babies do--so dependent on mom for his very survival.
 
I never got to read him a story. Toss a baseball. Go camping. Kiss a hurt knee. Watch him graduate. Marry.
 
I guess You will have to do all that for me, Lord. You're a better parent anyway. As good as this life gets, it can't compare to life with You.
 
How privileged my little son was to wake up and see the light of Your smiling face. His first sight. To miss the heartaches, challenges, and pain of this life.
 
Yet, how sad I am to let him go. This life is all I know, all I could give him, and I hold onto it tenaciously. Just like I hold onto my child.
 
I want him back, Lord, but I know he can't come back. But someday, You will take me to him.
So, I rest in You, Lord, until that day.
 
I love you,
 
Your child
 
~~
Dear Mommy,

I would like to have delivered this Mother's Day message myself, but
since I can't, I asked Mama Jo Ann of Operation Angel to do it for me. (She's one of heaven's delivery services you know!) I wanted you to know how much I love you and miss you and would love to have stayed with you for a very long time. And even though I'm not on earth with you, I'm in
your heart and you're still my mommy and always will be. I'm only a
thought away and only separated from you by time. There is no time
where I am.
And I don't want you to worry about me.
I'm being very well taken care of. There is so much to do up here
that it takes eternity to do all of it!
And you don't have to worry
about me being lonely - this place is filled with babies just like
me. It looks like one big nursery and do we every keep the angels
busy trying to keep up with all of us! I have to go now. Everyone's
waiting for me to come play. But I wanted to take this opportunity to
wish you a wonderful Mother's Day! You're the best mom in the whole
world and I'm so blessed to be able to call you "mommy."

Whenever you get lonely, remember - I'm only a thought away from you.
I LOVE YOU!

Written by Jo Ann Taylor to all the hurting moms!

~~~~~~~~~~

MOMENTS
Moments...when I feel you nestled against my breast and your big brown eyes take in every feature of my face.
Moments...when you turned over for the first time and that Moment...when you sat up by
yourself.
Moments...When you were so proud because you took those first steps and got those first teeth.
Moments...When you said "da da" and your daddy burst the buttons on his shirt!
Moments...when I longed for you to stay little forever.
Moments...when I dressed you in your frilly dresses and watched you spin around like a model.
Moments...when I wanted time to stand still so I could capture it forever.
Moments...when you started to kindergarten and I cried as I dropped you off.
It seems as if at that Moment...you suddenly went from being my baby to being my big girl.
Moments...when suddenly kindergarten jumped to high school and you and I were picking out your prom dress.
Moments...when you daddy's eyes filled with tears when he saw his "little" girl going out with a "BOY!"
Moments...when you brought "the boy" and introduced him to us and we saw that "look" in your eyes.
And there was the hardest of all Moments...when you father didn't know if he¢d be able to walk you down the aisle - his legs were shaking and the tears were falling.
Moments...when you stood at the altar, so beautiful in your white gown and slippers.
There was the Moment...when you called and said, "Mom, guess what? I'm pregnant!"
At that moment...I realized that I'm going to be "Nana!"
The worst Moment...is knowing that none of these Moments will ever happen because of "The Moment"...when you "flew" from my body and arrived in heaven before I had a chance to experiences any of these "Moments"...
But my little angel girl, there are seldom Moments... when you're not in my thoughts, my heart and my dreams. How I miss you.
I long for the Moment...when I'm reunited with you.
"In a Moment...in the twinkling of an eye!" (I Corinthians 15:52)

Written in memory of Melody Joy Taylor, my only precious girl. By her mommy, Jo Ann