bluehippo's Journal

You ever just hate the fact that what you have right now in life is your life?  You realize as if for the first time awaking to a nightmare that your life is your life and it will never change?  Well, that's what I'm going through right now.  I am so unfulfilled its sickening.  Nothing that I wanted for my life is happening or will happen.  I've always wanted to be a mother...no children for me.  I've always wanted to be an Ob/GYN...no medical school for me.  I'm stuck working at a job that I have to work because it pays the bills.  I'm stuck not being able to bring forth life from my own body.  No one understands.  My husband is a jerk that thinks that I can still go to medical school...oh yeah?  Well, how does the mortgage get paid if I do that?  He's disabled and I've been the breadwinner the entire marriage.  He's never going to be as serious about having a baby as I am because he already has a child and truly doesn't seem to understand what the big deal is....Well, I'm just too through with trying to make other people understand.  I just don't want to be here.  I'm sick of all of this.