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Ugh. Last night she wanted to meet up; so we went for dinner. She wants to upgrade the breakup to just a "break." I initially said yes, and aired all my grievences, but now I'm definitely having second thoughts. She's not going to get better by just having some time off. Also, and this sort of sealed it for me, my best friend put some tough love out there and said that if I took her back (a THIRD time) he wouldn't be friends with me.
Not that I was totally thrilled with going back to being "on a break" with her anyway, and she couldn't say anything to allay my fears that she'd just turn around and dump me again.
It just sucks all around. Today I messaged her to say that if she doesn't go to therapy, then I can't go through this again. I told her a bunch last night how much I want her to go to therapy and she wasn't very receptive. I'm waiting for her respone, though I'm prepared that her response may be the lack of one. Part of me knows that she will just say that things can't work out - because I know she's not going to go to therapy; she doesn't want to. Another part of me hopes she will go because of it, but it won't happen. I know her too well to think that she will actually go.
This whole thing is such a damn shame... But I know there's people out there that have the same qualities that Sarah has without having the volumes if issues that she has.
Forget I said anything. She dumped me AGAIN.
I'm bummed; annoyed; and feel very, VERY stupid.
Still somehow I managed to tell her that she has till Friday to change her mind. She wont, but I think it makes it easier for me, in a way. I can let myself hope that she'll change her mind while not letting myself live off that hope indefinitely. I said that if I don't hear from her by 11:59 on Friday night, then I know she still feels the same. She also knows that after that point, it's over for good. I don't know if I'll cut her off completely or just move her out of sight... I think that's maybe also why I set a deadline for Friday. It's a deadline for me too.
So... Yeah. Sarah asked me to take her back about a month ago, and I did. It's felt very much like a new realtionship. That is, till last weekend we got in a fight and since then I sort of feel like she's falling into old habbits. Habbits like ignoring me and getting upset about little bullshit. I still love her, but there's no way I'm going to let myself go through all of that agony again. I'm considering this strike one. I think there are boundaries that I need to set to protect myself, so she only gets two strikes. She's concentrating a lot on getting a job right now (been unemployed since February) but there's no way in can occupy so much of her time that she can't return a phone call or text message. The communication and respect level have dropped some and this is the only time I will tolerate it.
Thing is, I don't think she understands what kind of thin ice she's skating on. She asked me to take her back and give her a second chance. She also said that of all the guy's she's been with, I was the one where she saw the most future potential. ...she needs to get her act together.
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