rrowley's Journal

Thank you all, each and every one of you for all of your hugs and pm's of love, support and prayer. This is a very emotional time for me right now and I am just not able to contact each of you individually. I feel a sense of relief but I am also in a lot of physical pain from having to lift my mother to change diapers and turn her position to keep her from having bed sores. I snapped something in my back Wednesday while doing this and the pain is very intense now. I thank God for giving me the strength to get through this and for all of my friends and soon to be new friends here on DS.

I am going to be on DS but I will have to limit my time until I can get my pain clinic appt. rescheduled that I missed Thursday due to not wanting to leave my mother. 

I have been so blessed by all of you who have reached out to me in the last few months while I was going thru first the issues with Jessica, then my mother  taking ill and dying. I have never felt so loved and supported by so many people in my life.

I ask that you continue to keep me in your prayers b/c Jessica is already starting her attitude again, wanting handouts of money and things. I refuse to go back there with her again and told her that today. As a result I expect retaliation from her in her anger about this. She is already saying that mom gave her everything which is an outright lie b/c I had a very long conversation with my mother the week I moved her in with me. My mother told me to give her one item if her choice.  The manipulation has begun with Jessica and I can not believe that she started it even before my mother took her last breath.   I only allowed her into my home b/c I did not want her to have to live with the guilt of not spending any time with her before she passed. Jessica assumes that I am weak and worn down and is trying to take advantage of that fact already. I told her that things are different with us now and they will never be the way they were in the past again.  She has completely destroyed any trust that I had in her by her malicious actions toward me and that she will never again be in a position to be able to do that to me again. Still, not the first apology has come out of her mouth. She still is trying to blame ME and saying she was under a lot of stress and could not help it. Sorry, but that just does not go over with me. Being under stress does not give you permission to attack your mother, steal from her and retaliate against her b/c you can not FORCE her to do as you ordered. I saw a side of my daughter that I did not like at all and until she chooses to get some help, I choose to keep her at a distance and out of my emotions. She has become a very selfish, rude and impatient person and thinks only of herself. At 29, she should be way more mature than that and was raised to be respectful. 

I am going to take some time to heal, emotionally and physically, get my apartment back in order and try to have something done about my back. Possibly surgery if there are no other helpful options. If you or anyone you know has had the new disc replacement surgery I would love to hear about your results. 

I love you all and again, thank you so much for being there to support me thru all I have been through. I am going to work on me now. Start back where I left

off a couple of months ago and move ahead with my life. I will be back on DS in a few days as much as my back will allow and "talk" to you all then.

Love you all,

Rhonda