rrowley's Journal

Hi all my wonderful, supportive and loving friends,

It has been a very long, hard week.  I am so physically exhausted I am afraid to stop moving for fear that I won't be able to get back up.  Nothing has really settled down yet. I am still having to run back and forth to the nursing home several times a day. I have to call every morning to make sure they have given her the pain meds. I have to clean her room, take out her trash, return her meal dishes to the kitchen, clean her bathroom, etc. Yes, they have a cleaning staff there. I do not know what they do because they sure do not clean the rooms. The nurses (except for a couple) all have a "lazy"  issue.  If you ask them to do anything at all they cop an attitude about it.  Like I said, I have never quite seen a place as bad as this one is. They are being investigated by the state now b/c I reported them and filed a complaint.  I have discovered that they have been reported by many people. They are on the verge of being shut down, actually. There are no other open beds in this county right now except for one other place in the worst neighborhood in the city. I will just take care of her myself. I do not think that I would trust another place after this experience.  I am packing up her apartment this week, putting it all in storage and plan to have her in my home within the next 8 to 10 days. I sure could use a few extra pairs of hands right now.  

Thank you all for your continued prayer. God is holding me together and I am still going strong. I pray that He will continue to give me the strength to do all that I need to do in the coming weeks.  If I have her here with me at least I can make sure she is comfortable and in minimal pain. It will be worth all the effort, I am sure.

If you have been reading my journal entries you know that my computer crashed last week on top of everything else. That is why I have been missing. I finally got it fixed Friday and had to reload everything back into it.  Satan must be getting pleasure from all of this. It feels like a direct attack from him. I have managed to not subcome to tears yet.  I just keep on praying and thanking God for all the blessings. Maybe this is just a test to see how much faith I have. If so, I passed with flying colors.  

Jessica is completely out of the picture now. I have my vehicle titles back in my name, Her name is off all the bank accounts, no reason for her to call me anymore. I see now that God was showing me to be careful of her.  I am just not going to contact her at all. Maybe some day she will realize what she has done. She has managed to lose everyone she was close to b/c of her nasty attitude. I know that this is all from the mental illness. I can not force her to get help. She has to want help. My life is much more peaceful without her in it right now. My mother feels the same way too.  

So................ in a couple of weeks, hopefully, things will be back to normal except for mom's cancer. I hope that she can have a peaceful last 3 to 6 months before this cancer devours her completely.  Thanks again for your prayers and please continue to pray for her, jessica and me. I love you all.

Hugs,

Rhonda