riverwalker's Journal

Ok. This weekend is exactly what I needed. Regroup. Get back on track.

I have definitely not been myself for a while now. It is funny how this works. Right about the moment that I start thinking to myself "I get it", I make the grand mistake of acting like "I got it"... and then pretty soon after that, I start falling into old habits of mind and heart.

These things I have been learning this past year or so - these are not lessons I can store in my head... they are not things I can add unto my life.

It is not "stuff". It is a growing awareness of what my life is about, and an awareness of the energy that flows through all of us. And it is a choice to see it and be aware of it - not always an easy choice to make, because it requires seeing past some of the transitory distractions that would otherwise be enticing to the small ego-mind.

No. This is not something to be grasped, or held in the mind. It is a place to go, a vista to behold, a knowledge that is unshakable, unbreakable, silent, and ever-present.

So the moment I thought I had it, it is no shocker, I guess, that I fell back into the same old habits of fear, jealousy, anxiety, and the like.

I was watching the finale of this awesome animated series called "Avatar - the Last Airbender" in Nickelodeon with the kids this weekend. What a great show. Near the end - there was a crucial scene - where the Avatar, a very special young man named Aang, was receiving wisdom from this magical beast called the Lion Turtle- who said to Aan - "a true mind can weather all lies and illusions and never be lost, a true heart can endure any poison and pain. Darkness always dwells in the void, but ever meets purifying light".

I really like the theme of this show - very much about balance.

If I can learn anything from this past few weeks - I want to learn to stop when I notice my life getting out of balance - and to actively take steps to get back into balance.

There's no magic or mystical thinking here. It is very basic stuff. Eat right, exercise, meditate, talk to friends.... all the stuff that keeps us ticking in life.

I get too wrapped up in my head, and get all bent out of shape focusing on something that is not right.

This past few weeks, I have been overly focused on work. What a waste. Work will be there tomorrow - just like I left it on Thursday... all I need to do is my best, and not worry about all the things in this world that I cannot change.

As far back as I can remember, my mother had the Serenity Prayer hanging in her home - usually several copies"

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

Sums it up rather nicely, if you ask me.

So with that, I'll share that after the kids go to bed tonight, I am going on an AWESOME late evening run - a long one. It is going to feel incredible. (I may be writing more after that).

I also want to share that I am so proud of the friends that I have made here. You are all growing in so many ways, and it is an honor to be able to share in your journeys in this special way.