flipperclot's Journal

Same scenerio, different day.  Work one day, sore as all getout the next 2.  I didn't even do that much running around yesterday.  I kept forgetting to take something for pain, but I just did because now I have a headache.  I have been reading some from the fibro and fatigue support groups on here.  It sounds like things get progressively worse until you are disabled.  A lot of people are on some pretty heavy pain medication.  I can't let that happen to me -I have to find an answer to stop this out of control train.  I feel like the brain fog is getting worse- I am having more trouble remembering the word that I need to use - Will I be able to remain competent to be a nurse if this gets worse?  It scares the crap out of me.  The pain thing I can deal with-at least now- its been going on so long, I am happy when I don't have pain.  I don't know what answers and questions these doctors appointments in the next 2 weeks will bring.  I want to be sure I have the right diagnosis.  I am most probably going to ask  to be tested for Multiple Sclerosis - the symptoms I have fall in that realm.  If that is what it is, then I want the proper treatment to live as normally as possible as long as I can.  The only test I know that are available are an MRI and a spinal tap to diagnose MS -the latter of which I had nightmares about after I had one when I had meningitis about 6 years ago.  I sedate kids for this procedure.

My INR is totally whack.  The other day -Tues. it was 3.5, held a dose as instructed, Wed, INR 2.2, told to go back on regular dose, and get a lab recheck next thurs.  Today I checked and it was 1.8.  Not too far off, but why is it still trending down 3 days later?  So I called the Dr. office -they were already gone.  Called the guy on call.  He said he wasn't worried about it -I told him I was.  He told me to recheck it in a couple of days.  I am using a differnt prescription that is a different brand -I thought maybe that is why it went up, but now it is too far the other way.  Before I absolutely had to be above 2.0 and be on lovenox until I got there, now it is OK if I am off a little - I give Up!  I think I need to get hooked up with a hematologist so I know what to do when my PCP isn't there.  I had asked my PCP a while back, when I found out I had to be on the Coumadin for life if there was a sliding scale he used like the diabetics do, and he said No, that he needed to manage the INR.  So when he is gone, then I talk to Dr. Joe Shmoe, and I am SOL.  The other weird thing is that I can kind of tell what is going to come up on the monitor by how my finger bleeds when I poke it.  The other day when it was high, it started bleeding before I even squeezed it.  Today I had to squeeze and rub to get a big enough drop of blood and it was low.  I think I was 1.9 when I wasn't on any Coumadin at all.

Since my husband gave me the ultimatum the other night, I decided to give him some too. I told him the drinking and smoking need to stop, and he needed to start taking care of  himself.  He needs to start treating his body better -lose some weight, stop putting all this nasty stuff in it, take care of his snoring and sleep apnea-which he claims he doesn't have.  I still don't think what he did to me was fair, and I am still not real happy with him right now.  He said he would stop drinking so much, and get the medicine to stop smoking -again.  He has about 7 days to get his act together.  It seems like he has been in midlife crisis -male menopause -whatever you want to call it - for like a year now.  How long can it last?  I thought several years ago when he went and bought a Jaguar without me that that was it.  This is way worse.  A few months ago he had chest pain, and after much persuasion went and got it checked out -it turned out to be fine.  His Dad had his 1st heart attack when he was 43 -daryl was 42 at the time.  His brother who is 40 had a cardiac cath about 6 months ago, and was found to have cardiomyopathy -a weak heart muscle-they think caused by a virus -he is better now.   Daryl's Dad died when we were dating -I had only met him a handful of times before he died.  Car accident then brain bleed or vice-versa -they never did really say -don't know if they could tell.  Any way, when Daryl had the chest pain, he told me he would be perfectly happy if he had died -that he had gotten everything he ever wanted in life, and never thought he would live this long.  I told our Dr. that I thought he was depressed.  There are a lot of changes going on at his work, and he at one point told me he was going to get fired, other times he has been afraid he will lose his job.  As a nurse, right now he could get a job anywhere -so I  don't see the problem.  When he took his current position, he went in with an attitude of making a lot of changes for the better -some people below him don't like change-they will actually have to work to get paid.  People above him don't support him when the troops below complain.  He does a lot to try and save the hospital money, and he thinks he can make a difference.  He is very Loyal -I remember him saying that if he walked away now, then that would mean that he failed, and he wasn't going to let that happen.  That is why I was so surprised at his reaction to just throw 17years of marriage in the toilet "walk out, and never look back" over me having a male friend.  I am still quite confused.  Hopefully we will figure things out over the next week or two.

I have to get answers to a lot of the health problems I am having.  I know it is wearing on him and the kids.  I keep getting told to "wait and see if it goes away" by my PCP -I am done waiting.  Over the next couple of weeks, I am going to try and add my stretching/bowflex/exercise ball back into the mix and see what happens.  I was going to start today, but I was so sore already -I thought maybe I should start when not so sore -the first week I start back to the exercise usually makes me sore anyway.  I really haven't gained any weight, but I am getting flabby and fatter around the middle.  I hope he is right-that I am just out of shape -but deep down, I don't think that is it.  Ok it is really late so off to bed.