flipperclot's Journal

Another shitty day.  One good thing-got to talk to my counselor-at this point, I feel like she is just a sounding board -it is just good to hear someone validate that what I am feeling is appropriate.  The saga of a lot of things going wrong continues.  The whole INR monitor thing is stil screwed up -long story short-I don't have the enery to type it all out - I might get it tomorrow.  I had a venous INR drawn today -this morning- the drs office has the monitor- I told them I was hoping to get it today since I had a babysitter -by noon no one called me.  I ended up calling the company once again  and still never heard from the dr. office.  I called them at 2 they din't have time to do it.  They might as well have said F you, you don't matter, no one cares.  I had asked the doctor last week about the new endocrinologist, and he had said he would fax information , and even call him to see if there was anything that could be done before my appointment.  I asked by when -today when I got my next blood draw, -that was a whole week -he said yes.  Today when I saw him, he asked me how i felt-I said crappy, and asked if he got to talk to the endo.  He said no, he was waiting to see how I felt.  I have been praying for some miracle every day that he would call and have an answer to help me start feeling better.  He hasn't even talked to the guy.  I know that drs. are busy, but then don't tell me you are going to do something and not do it then make up some stupid excuse.  He said he would call -so I figured that maybe I would hear from him today.  When I called to arrange the monitor teaching, I asked to have him call me.  I was informed that he only worked 1/2 day so not to expect to hear from him until tomorrow -once again I am chopped liver nd no one gives a shit.  How is it that every time I need to talk to him he isn't around?  I can't continue to live like this.  He has said to me many times "it is your life-you are the one who has to live it", but I am tired of living like this.  There has to be something better.  Working one day and sleeping for 2 - it isn't worth it.  The depression is getting bad -no one is listening to me.   I am crying at every little thing.  There is stuff going on at work too that isn't very good.  At least Daryl is being nice right now.  I want to know why I am shaking, why I am so fatigued, why no one will fix my tacchycardia problem, why my tongue hurts, and now why my neck hurts-along with my throat and ears.  I am trying to shake off the depression -it isn't working.