atruefriend's Journal

I just spent 13 hours with HER yesterday and it was amazing.  It's days like that when I confuse myself the most.  We had lunch, went to a great movie (JUNO), played cards and board games, went to dinner, played more games together, watched another movie at her place, cuddled and kissed.... It was a really good day.

Can I do this? Can I have both? It just doesn't seem fair.

When I'm not with her, I'm thinking about her. Then, at times, when I'm with her... I find myself missing him.

I'm stuck.

I have started to feel like this may actually work itself out over time. She's going to tire of me sharing my time between her and my husband. Or my husband is going to grow a back bone and put his foot down. Or she's going to find someone else - or go back to an ex... A part of me thinks that's what I want to happen. But when I really think about it, I get scared and really sad. I know my heart will break. I know it will hurt like hell when she no longer loves me. When I'm no longer the person she craves. When she no longer looks at me that way. When she no longer touches me. When she can sit in a room with me and NOT touch me or want to kiss me. I wonder if it will be that easy for her... for us.

Can break ups ever be easy?

She is going to make some woman extremely happy someday. All I want is for her to have the same happiness in return.