AmandaCF's Journal

So I found out that one of my friends from the past 2 years has died yesterday. I actually found out last night and was in complete shock and wouldn't believe it till it was confirmed by some people in Intervarsity. I just can't believe that he is now gone. He was actually planning on going to NIU and now he's not. I know for a fact that his friend and family are going to go through a hard time right now. I know for a fact that I am and I wasn't even that close to them all. It just hurts to know that I will never see kyle with any other people till after this life. No one could possible help me go through this right now. I just wish I could take the next 24 hours off but I can't. It just urks me that people would think that I'm joking around here at my job when I aske if I had to go back to my campers at the at moment when I was just crying so much because then I have to bottle it up so that my campers wouldn't know that anything was wrong. Like my group noticed that I was more silent then ussual but thats the only thing thye noticed. I been shying away from all human contact since yesterday. I will be around them but I refused to be touched by another person. Like I've had a few people try to give me hugs today and I litterally flitched away from them jsut becasue I'm to numb to let a hug help me at all.