Join Now
The Top 10 Secrets to Living Happily Ever After... Divorce
Category: Stages in Life, Major Changes, Teens, Retirement, Marriage, Divorce (BO73)
Originally Submitted on 12/11/2003.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you go through a divorce, almost everything changes. Your daily routine, your social connections, your finances, your living arrangements, your time with your children, even your identity. You might be glad to just survive from one day to the next. But is it enough to stay in this survival mode? How do you turn the corner and begin to thrive?
Moving from surviving to thriving requires that you make changes at a much deeper level than moving to a new home or opening a new checking account. The "Top Ten Secrets to Living Happily Ever After... Divorce" can help you begin to make those deeper shifts in your being-ness. Learning how to live these Secrets on a consistent basis will give you the foundation for a joyful life, and the ability to move confidently from surviving to thriving!
(The term "divorce" applies to the ending of any long-term committed relationship such as a common-law or traditional marriage, or a same-sex union.)
1. SECRET #1: ACCEPT WHAT IS.
Are you spending a lot of – or ANY – time wishing things in your life were different? Do you keep focusing on how things "should" be? Stop struggling with what you think your life is supposed to be like. It is the way it is. When you stop fighting with reality, you can access more energy to take action and make the changes you want to make. When you are able to accept your life the way it exists in the moment, you are free to open up to the infinite possibilities of how your life CAN be.
2. SECRET #2: TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE.
Your life is your responsibility. You have no control over what happens to you, or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over how you respond. Taking 100% responsibility for your actions and responses is about staying in integrity. Staying stuck in blame or victim mentality closes you off from the rest of the world. Taking responsibility allows you the space to acknowledge your part in the divorce, learn from the experience, and move forward with more confidence.
3. SECRET #3: PRACTICE THE "2 STRATEGIES OF A SUCCESSFUL LIFE".
Strategy 1: Figure out what's not working in your life and stop doing it.
Strategy 2: Figure out what works better and start doing that instead!
This may sound a bit oversimplified, but developing both of these skills while you're adjusting to your divorce will help you move quickly toward a more effortless and joyful life.
4. SECRET #4: TAKE EXTREMELY GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF (AND YOUR CHILDREN).
When you put your own health and well-being first, you are available for growth and positive change. Your outlook is better, and you adjust to your divorce more quickly and effectively. You also have more energy reserves to help your children adapt, adjust and grow. And remember that your children have their own needs during and after your divorce, and those needs might not be in alignment with yours. Really listen to them and don't put them in the middle. If you're not feeling strong enough to help them, find a professional who can.
5. SECRET #5: CREATE A VISION & FOCUS ON IT.
If you don't know where you're going, how will you know when you get there? And since you get what you focus on, you may as well focus on what you want! Vision and focus go hand-in-hand. Define your vision: if everything in your life was just right after your divorce, what would it look like and feel like? Then create a plan to help you stay focused on what you want and to live your vision.
6. SECRET #6: TAKE SOME ACTION.
It's not enough to have a vision and a plan; you have to actually DO something with them. Decide what you can do today to take one step closer to living your vision. If the action you choose still feels too big or risky, break it down some more. Keep breaking it down until you have one thing you feel you can do. Then, no matter how small it seems, JUST DO SOMETHING!
7. SECRET #7: CREATE A FULFILLING SINGLE LIFE.
Being single is not a disease to be cured; it's a wonderful opportunity for growth. Living your life as a successful, fulfilled single after your divorce is the best way to attract the people and resources that can help you live your vision and fulfill your dreams. Focus on your own life and do what makes you feel strong and happy. Live your life on your terms, and say "NO" to everything that takes you away from your vision.
8. SECRET #8: MAKE CONSCIOUS LIFE CHOICES.
When you know who you are, what you want, and what you value, your choices are more conscious. If your actions are in alignment with your values, your decisions will take you toward your vision rather than away from it. When you make conscious life choices you reclaim your own power and nobody can take that away from you.
9. SECRET #9: EXPECT TO BE HUMAN.
It's easy to BE Human – a wonderful work in progress; but sometimes it's harder to actually ACCEPT that you're Human. It's a waste of time and energy to beat yourself up for not doing what you think you should be doing or for not being who you think you should be. You are who you are. (See Secret #1 above.) Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with your child or best friend. The joy of being Human is the ability to learn from your mistakes, to grow and evolve, and to make better choices tomorrow than you did today. When you expect to be something other than what you are, you set yourself up for disappointment and failure, and you give your power away. When you expect to be Human, you can see yourself with more loving eyes, and the possibilities for your life become endless!
10. SECRET #10: THERE IS NO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"... THERE IS ONLY HAPPILY RIGHT NOW.
"Happily Ever After" -- riding off into the sunset, with no more worries or problems -- doesn't exist. It doesn't work to assume that you've "arrived" and that happiness can go on auto-pilot. Happiness is a moment-by-moment choice. It's a choice that comes from that deeper place of "being-ness" inside you. In there, your happiness is safe and protected from external forces. You can be happy no matter what's going on outside of you. When adjusting to a divorce, there WILL be ups and downs. How you respond to each one of them is your choice. Following the first nine Secrets will help you be successful at #10 – Living Happily Ever After... Right Now.
Source: http://topten.org/public/BO/BO73.html
Category: Stages in Life, Major Changes, Teens, Retirement, Marriage, Divorce (BO73)
Originally Submitted on 12/11/2003.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you go through a divorce, almost everything changes. Your daily routine, your social connections, your finances, your living arrangements, your time with your children, even your identity. You might be glad to just survive from one day to the next. But is it enough to stay in this survival mode? How do you turn the corner and begin to thrive?
Moving from surviving to thriving requires that you make changes at a much deeper level than moving to a new home or opening a new checking account. The "Top Ten Secrets to Living Happily Ever After... Divorce" can help you begin to make those deeper shifts in your being-ness. Learning how to live these Secrets on a consistent basis will give you the foundation for a joyful life, and the ability to move confidently from surviving to thriving!
(The term "divorce" applies to the ending of any long-term committed relationship such as a common-law or traditional marriage, or a same-sex union.)
1. SECRET #1: ACCEPT WHAT IS.
Are you spending a lot of – or ANY – time wishing things in your life were different? Do you keep focusing on how things "should" be? Stop struggling with what you think your life is supposed to be like. It is the way it is. When you stop fighting with reality, you can access more energy to take action and make the changes you want to make. When you are able to accept your life the way it exists in the moment, you are free to open up to the infinite possibilities of how your life CAN be.
2. SECRET #2: TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE.
Your life is your responsibility. You have no control over what happens to you, or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over how you respond. Taking 100% responsibility for your actions and responses is about staying in integrity. Staying stuck in blame or victim mentality closes you off from the rest of the world. Taking responsibility allows you the space to acknowledge your part in the divorce, learn from the experience, and move forward with more confidence.
3. SECRET #3: PRACTICE THE "2 STRATEGIES OF A SUCCESSFUL LIFE".
Strategy 1: Figure out what's not working in your life and stop doing it.
Strategy 2: Figure out what works better and start doing that instead!
This may sound a bit oversimplified, but developing both of these skills while you're adjusting to your divorce will help you move quickly toward a more effortless and joyful life.
4. SECRET #4: TAKE EXTREMELY GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF (AND YOUR CHILDREN).
When you put your own health and well-being first, you are available for growth and positive change. Your outlook is better, and you adjust to your divorce more quickly and effectively. You also have more energy reserves to help your children adapt, adjust and grow. And remember that your children have their own needs during and after your divorce, and those needs might not be in alignment with yours. Really listen to them and don't put them in the middle. If you're not feeling strong enough to help them, find a professional who can.
5. SECRET #5: CREATE A VISION & FOCUS ON IT.
If you don't know where you're going, how will you know when you get there? And since you get what you focus on, you may as well focus on what you want! Vision and focus go hand-in-hand. Define your vision: if everything in your life was just right after your divorce, what would it look like and feel like? Then create a plan to help you stay focused on what you want and to live your vision.
6. SECRET #6: TAKE SOME ACTION.
It's not enough to have a vision and a plan; you have to actually DO something with them. Decide what you can do today to take one step closer to living your vision. If the action you choose still feels too big or risky, break it down some more. Keep breaking it down until you have one thing you feel you can do. Then, no matter how small it seems, JUST DO SOMETHING!
7. SECRET #7: CREATE A FULFILLING SINGLE LIFE.
Being single is not a disease to be cured; it's a wonderful opportunity for growth. Living your life as a successful, fulfilled single after your divorce is the best way to attract the people and resources that can help you live your vision and fulfill your dreams. Focus on your own life and do what makes you feel strong and happy. Live your life on your terms, and say "NO" to everything that takes you away from your vision.
8. SECRET #8: MAKE CONSCIOUS LIFE CHOICES.
When you know who you are, what you want, and what you value, your choices are more conscious. If your actions are in alignment with your values, your decisions will take you toward your vision rather than away from it. When you make conscious life choices you reclaim your own power and nobody can take that away from you.
9. SECRET #9: EXPECT TO BE HUMAN.
It's easy to BE Human – a wonderful work in progress; but sometimes it's harder to actually ACCEPT that you're Human. It's a waste of time and energy to beat yourself up for not doing what you think you should be doing or for not being who you think you should be. You are who you are. (See Secret #1 above.) Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with your child or best friend. The joy of being Human is the ability to learn from your mistakes, to grow and evolve, and to make better choices tomorrow than you did today. When you expect to be something other than what you are, you set yourself up for disappointment and failure, and you give your power away. When you expect to be Human, you can see yourself with more loving eyes, and the possibilities for your life become endless!
10. SECRET #10: THERE IS NO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"... THERE IS ONLY HAPPILY RIGHT NOW.
"Happily Ever After" -- riding off into the sunset, with no more worries or problems -- doesn't exist. It doesn't work to assume that you've "arrived" and that happiness can go on auto-pilot. Happiness is a moment-by-moment choice. It's a choice that comes from that deeper place of "being-ness" inside you. In there, your happiness is safe and protected from external forces. You can be happy no matter what's going on outside of you. When adjusting to a divorce, there WILL be ups and downs. How you respond to each one of them is your choice. Following the first nine Secrets will help you be successful at #10 – Living Happily Ever After... Right Now.
Source: http://topten.org/public/BO/BO73.html
Comments
Great informartion. Thanks so much. I printed it out for future contemplation. You're awesome!
caligirl67410
and then laugh some days, and cry others
GeocacherNY