Progress
80 %
Brenda9’s Profile
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Brenda9
is feeling OK
Hatred and anger are only scars upon a beach, while love is the rolling surf that smooths the sand.
Recently: 16 hugs given, 9 journal comments more …
About Me
I'm a stay at home mom/wife (unable to work due to panic disorder, but getting better all the time!), and have one teenage son (also suffers occasional panic attacks). I have extensive office skills (computers/graphic design, marketing, bookkeeping, customer service and I type 114 wpm). I could be so much more if I could just get this disorder under control! I'm fun and have a great sense of humour, I love the outdoors, I love animals (currently I have a litter-trained pet rabbit and an Australian Bearded Dragon) Would love to have a dog. And horses! Who knows what the future might bring?
Interests
Art, graphic design, sciences of all kinds, writing, martial arts, movies, singing, horseback riding, genealogy, scrap booking, jewellery making and other crafts. I used to work for Michael's Arts and Crafts - just loved it there! I also used to work for a Gemmologist and millionaire, who saw a future career in gemmology for me... but it didn't work out that way. PS... just so you all know, the words jewellery, gemmology and humour are spelled correctly, just not the American way (jewelry, gemology, humor).
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Recent Activity
Today
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Brenda9 gave jinxys a Hug 9:24am
Adam - just checking in. I heard today from Liam today that he has to close down his page until it's…
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Yesterday
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Brenda9 gave LiamsBack a Hug 8:33pm
What's wrong hon? Talk to me. Brenda…
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Brenda9 gave jinxys Flowers 12:17pm
Still hoping and praying sweetie.…
Sunday
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Journal
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Hugbook
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Hug
Thanks Ms. Brenda, I am still sad for Adam. But I realize that if he passed away he is talking to Jesus and that is a whole lot better. I talk about Jesus a lot with him and he ask for his forgiveness, he said, when he took the pills. I just wish I knew. I feel like a husband who's afraid to throw is wife's clothes away thinking he will come through the door. So, I've kept his account on as a friend still. I can't take him off. I starting to cry again, See I can't let go. I loved his heart so much. Liam.
Hug
Hey brenda I've been up and down as usual. lol you? I've missed you, where ya been?
Kiss
I love that quote, How are you? How are the classes going. I start volunteering teaching tom, looking forward to it.
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Flower
Hi, so glad to hear from you. Hey, how is that tooth of yours? I need to make dinner too.
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Hug
You are special. I left you a comment. How is your world?
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Panic Attacks
Have been having panic attacks since early teens. Last few years (perhaps due to menopause?) have been extremely bad. Unable to work. Am borderline agoraphobic. Fear line-ups, closed spaces, traffic and traffic lights, crowds, being alone, heights, dentists, doctors, medications, functions of any kind. Basically any situation where I am not in 100% control. Which is just about everything. Seeing a doctor and therapist who are both helping immensely - and I'm getting better all the time!
Treatments
- Ativan Working / Worked
- Worked well the first time used. Developed fear of medications and have been unable to take since.
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- First time, it worked well. Last time I used it, I had a very bad reaction - I got worse instead of better, and I went off of it (without doctor's okay) and went through severe withdrawal. Can't take anything now due to phobia of meds.
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- Try to meditate as much as possible, especially when I feel a panic episode coming on. It can be effective, but not often. Helps to have someone talking me through. I like to picture myself beside a stream, on a warm spring day. I'm sitting under a tree, smiling and looking at the trees and clouds and birds. I look across the stream, and I see a white horse. It's so beautiful and makes me feel free.
- Patience Somewhat Helpful
- Without it, I'd be dead. I feel so close to going crazy, I can't explain.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Again, without it, I'd be dead. I remind myself that my sisters have both gone through it and are now better. I tell myself one day I'll be better too.
- Prayer Somewhat Helpful
- It's a desperate measure. When I am panicking, I tend to say the Lord's Prayer. Basically, I'm begging at this point.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- I just felt like I let my psychiatrist and my psychologist and my therapist down - nothing really seemed to work. Not long-term anyway. When I fail, I tend to hide it from those I think I've failed.
Close Anxiety
I suffer from severe Anxiety/Panic disorder and Depression. I also have had problems with OCD, eating disorders, drugs and alcohol (distant past). I am currently at my worst in this life-long struggle which started when I was about 14 (I am now 41). I am nearly housebound and am unable to work due to the disorder.
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- Worked the first time I used it, but I have since developed a phobia of medications and am unable to take anything at all. I did not have side effects from it at all.
- Breathing Exercises Working / Worked
- What's the difference between this and Breathwork??? Maybe I should have filled out this one instead of the other one.
- Breathwork Working / Worked
- It works - in fact it is probably the most effective method to overcoming anxiety and panic that I have ever tried.
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- Again, worked the first time. The second time I tried it, it had the opposite effect on me, and I got worse instead of better. I had major side effects, and was bed ridden for two weeks. The first time I took it, I had NO side effects.
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- I like to picture myself on a warm Spring day by a stream watching my surroundings. I look across the stream and see a beautiful white horse. The sight makes me feel free.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Difficult to do, but I try my best and it helps when I get it right.
- Prayer Somewhat Helpful
- Usually when I am having a fullblown panic attack I say the Lords Prayer over and over. Normally I am not a very religious person at all. I think I do this more out of desperation than anything else.
Open Bisexuality
Not much to tell... 42, married and bisexual. Husband knows, and is okay with it. Don't have a w/w relationship right now. Just want to talk to others like me.
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Snapshot
Recently …
- 16 hugs given
- 8 hugs received
- 5 journal posts
- 7 discussion replies
- 1 group discussion reply
- 9 journal comments
