Dave1358's Journal

Just a real bad week Mood

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

This last week has been the worst yet, that neuprogen shit for my low white blood cells really kicked my ass. Constant fatigue, major brain fog, no matter how I sit or lay my hips and back are sore, and constant headaches. I tried once alone to take the bike out, made it a couple of hours till I told myself this was getting too dangerous, I felt like it was my first time on a bike. Tried again on Saturday with wifey, went a little better but I was just not there and the waves of major brain fog made me turn back for home. I really wanted to take Marlene out for a ride; she’s been my little nurse and I know how much she enjoys going out but it was not to be. Last week I had to hire someone to help me in my business, nothing but problems, took them over a week to do a 16 hour job and I may get the drawings today, I’m so far behind with work and I’ve got a major project starting next week that will take me two months to do if I felt well never mind like I feel right now. Monday I got the worse financial news ever, our tax bill for last year, it absolutely floored me it is three to four times higher than what I budgeted and it going to be a major hit to the money put away for TX. So I sat here yesterday between naps and brain fog trying to figure out the long term consequences of continuing TX and it basically is coming down to stopping TX if I have to stay on neuprogen. If I stay on TX and have to take the neuprogen I will have to shut down my business, I have not been able to work at all since I started it, with out the neuprogen at least I was getting in a few days a week. If I shut my business down I will loose my clients one of which has kept me working in recessions, very hard client to find and were does that leave me when TX is over? MAYBE one less disease to deal with, broke, un-employed, and still not able to work any other way than self employment due to heart problems. It takes time to build up a business, doing jobs for cut-rate prices to get your foot in the door with the hope they become a steady client and with out any money to get you thru this time period it does not work. So I go for a blood test on Wednesday that will decide whether I continue with TX, I guess the decision is going to be made for me by the results of the blood test. My apologies to everyone for my lack of communication this past week.

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Comments

Dave, I know how tough it can be. I was blessed with a husband who could take care of me while I was on tx. I got really bad too. Thankfully he didn't experience very many sides during his tx, and didn't miss any work at all. Praying for you, that things get better. Hang in there, and do what's best for you. xoxo

nonilv
Love you brother...I can only be here for you in time of need to have someone to talk to my great friend...I know your not feeling good at all and brother thanks for sharing your life with me...What ever happens my friend, happens and either way I am praying for you and your family...Pam

jjdc
Oh my you sound like me not on TX. I can't put into words how I feel for you here. What the furture should have held and now changes and the uncertainties of this disease leaving it difficult to even make decisions when level headed enough. I just had to sacrafy a busniness I had just started and had high hopes of it. But what is the point in taking in work I have not been able to do and from day to day don't know If I will even get the dishes done it gets so bad. I can compare you wanting out on that bike of yours like I would like to hit the slopes. It hurts the soul to loose livly hood like that. I will and do have you in my prayers. If you ever need to message whether to just say high or dump a vent please do. I am no expert but I feel your pain and will do my best to give you positive support. Bless you Dave.

Dayzdreamer
Oh Dave - I knew you were having hard time on the neuprogen but OMG (don't know what to say!)....what a horrible position to be in my friend...I so wish that they could somehow majically adjust your blood so you could get off that crap and take just tx (is that possible at any point???) I pray so ... so very sorry about your businesss and especially tax problem (damn gov't)...I'll be checking in on ya to see test results and praying for you.

You know that whatever ya decide or happens I'm always here for you my friend....

xoxox

EllieMaeClampett
Dave have your DR give you meds for the pain. I was on Ultrams and they work. Also take supplements to protect your bones. I started taking cod liver oil lemon flavored not bad at all. My bones still hurt but they are getting better. Hot Baths and alot heating pads and massagers are a big plus as well, use anything to help ease the pain. Make real sure that the neupagin shot is warm before you do it. If it is still cold it will make you hurt more. I hated doing those shots! I was on them every week for a good 7 months. I'm here if you need me. Love Ya

joan49
xxo luv ya matey xxoo

C4O
oh honey no need for apologies...shit..that damn stuff...I am so sorry you are having such a hard time..oh god how I wish there was a better way to get rid of this freekin virus for us all!Please know I care alot about you and i am always willing to listen! Love ya! xo

serenity55
shitters big bro!! i was worried about ya and wanted to ring ya fat..well skinny ass to check up on ya but i lost ya bloody number!!!
xoxShellxox

mumofthree
Best of luck to you Dave. You are in my prayers.

askye
You never have to apologize take your time and get well

Princessv71
sorry your having such a shit time, geez. Go hassle your doctor. wishing you love n luck :\

faithless