Disneyland.... not always the happiest place on earth.
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Well our trip to Disney World has come and gone, we got home late last night. Over all I think everyone enjoyed the trip. It was nice to get away from here and everything around me. It was my kids first trip to Disney and I could tell they really enjoyed themselves. Oh to be young again with no worries, clear heads. I am sure they missed their Dad as bad as I missed him they just have a way of getting on with life that I can't seem to do. I was constantly reminded that I truly am alone in this world now, it seemed like everywhere I turned there were whole families, mom,dad and kids and oh how I envy those families I found myself just watching people and then I would start to cry but I hid it well, thank god the weather was sunny and I had sunglasses on. Anyway the trip went well even the ride, I drove down because I am afraid to fly ,the first day I drove from home to Georgia and spent the night then continued on the next day to sunny Florida. My boys surprised me because they really rode most of the rides even my 8 year old conquered Mt. Everest and my 22 year old also and he doesn't like roller coaster rides. I think my 15 year old rode all of the rides except mission to space. I am glad I took this trip at least now I know I can do it again this was the first time in 25 years that I ever drove anywhere far and I did ok, although my middle one says I don't know how to drive right but he picks on everything anyway so I just ignore his comments for the most part. I know that I have to make a life for myself and my kids and someday I will get there I am just going to take it day by day everything is still so fresh sometimes I still don't feel like this is truely happening to us and sometimes it hits me hard that this is real and I don't know how to cope with that. Maybe I am in someway blocking it, mentally pretending this isn't happening. It is good to be home again with my memories, my pictures of hubby and my computer where I know I can come here and talk to my DS friends. Sometimes I don't feel right talking to my friends here, I feel like do they really want to here this, I think they just want me to be ok with this so they don't have to talk about it with me like it never happened, oh yeah then there are a couple who haven't talked to me since the funeral 4 months ago. I have learned one thing so far in this mess and that is who my real friends were and I have built better stronger friendships with a few that I have really come to count on for a shoulder to cry on, or someone to scream at if I feel like I need to. I hope all my DS friends are doing well you are all always in my thoughts .
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How nice for your kids to have this lifetime memory. You show so much courage in the drive and even going there. Your mind does funny things with grief, crazy things that you can explain, but they say it is all of the "process." Our friends, that we had as a couple, mostly do not get it and do not how to behave. I certainly did not get it until it happened to me. Anytime you feel like talking I will listen.
brianswife
i'm so glad you had this adventure and that for the most part it went well. i think seeing happy families will get to us for a long time to come. it's sad that it takes something like this to see who our true friends are...but like you, most of mine quit speaking to me after the funeral. even my stepdaughters. not a word in a solid year. at least we have this safe place to come and cry, vent, and be comforted. take care of you today. big hugs xoxoxo
allwayslively
So happy to hear your trip went well. What a beautiful memory for your children to have and cherish. I can imagine how hard it was for you though to see other familes together. I believe that is one thing that will take awhile for us to get use to seeing.
It breaks my heart everytime to see familes and couples together.
As for friends, It takes something like this to really see who your true friends are. Don't see much of who I thought were my true friends, they just disappeared. I went as far as to call each one of them and reminded them, Hey! I'm still here, I'm still alive. Some responded some didn't.
You can count on me and the rest of us here at DS to be here for you. We are here to listen and help the best way we can....Big, Big hugs going your way filled with love and friendship....Stella
sjg
Glad you had a good trip. I would love to see Disneyland. I have never been. Hugs Marlene
MDLF