nancy7161's Journal

Talked to Lindsey yesterday, she totally gets the grief thing.  Lost her mom 10 year ago and still cries. Its when I feel most insecure, overwhilemed, tired that I miss you most mom.  It's been a rough two days, but regressions happen.  I shouldnt really call it that, its not going backwards.  Its just part of the process.  Vernie called last nite to check in, so sweet.  Both are from fomer nursing home, they are like family though I dont see them anymore. 

Thank you God for friends who care.  So needed during grief.  Amen

One thing  Lindsey and I talked about is something that came up recently.  i had been feeling guilty that it seemed as soon as I started school, Mommy started getting worse.  Like beccause I couldnt be there as much to visit, she started to give up.  And I felt so awful.  So I told lindsey that and she reassured me that it would have happened anyway.  Her dementia was getting worse al the time.  The worst part is whenyou have dementia, you know something is rong with you but you can't fix it. And its hard and it hurts.  Alzheimers patients don't really remember anything and dont suffer as much, though I am sure their loved ones do. Anyway, grief is strange,.  You sot know when it will sneak up on you and hit you .  I know rationbally that I did everything I could, but emotionally I neded to hear it from someone.  I love you mom, and I am tryiing so hard.   I miss you but I know that eventually God will heal my broken heart, like he did after daddy died.