justlaurie's Journal

I really havent had time to write, things having been going okay.  I bought my new Harley on April 19, 2008.  I took it out for one ride when we got it home and "holy shit" does it ever have a snap to it  (2001 police bike) I guess they needed that in order to catch up to the speeders on the highways.  I tried to go on a bikers chat line but no one really wanted to talk to me, I have been feeling lonely lately.  My boyfriend (because he is only a common law husband) is very distanced from me and I know it is because of the ammount of pain that he is in, plus I got so sick there from all the stress i was under, that it really took its tole on me physically.  Its not like that i havent kept money coming in, just not the ammount that he wants me to, when you really think about it, its for his benefit, because of bettering the houses that are in his name.

My problem lately is companionship, My son is older and gone, mom is in the nursing home.  The friends that we have around (few) are his friends and if there are any women then they are the ones that just happen to be going out with his friends.

Sex, is becoming a huge issue in my life, I never thought it would because, I wasnt treated properly anyway, so I just thought i could go without and it wouldnt bother me.  It sure does now, at 44 and it being close to a year i suppose (??)  I am begining to feel incredibly lonely and unloved, with no one to talk to about it.  The other day I thought so what, I have some things of my own that I wouldnt be able to aquire if i didnt have him and thats ok, but, some affeection would be so nice right now.  But I probaably wouldnt feel comfortable or something stupid.........................