oh man, finals week, stress up …
oh man, finals week, stress up the ass, pretty sure im going to fail some classes so i dont know about school in the …
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I really really really want to cut right now. My dad and mom yelled at me about needing schoolwork and I am panicked because I am doing so little (I WANT to succeed but I am lazy) that they will kill me if they find out. I am really upset but I NEED to not have cuts or scars when I go to the doctor. I realized today that I am withering on the inside and cutting off all potential I might have had. Last January my life was full. I was confident in who I was and what I could do in the potential for my life. Now as I look, my school is down the drain my career choice is suffering and I am losing the relationships closest to me, God and my friends. I am really scared about whats going to happen in the next year. I could "straighten up and fly right" and have a few of my dreams come true but I'm not sure at this point that I can. I don't even want to look at the other alternative because that leads ultimately to suicide. I am not sure whats going to happen but whatever does is going to STRONGLY affect my life and wellbeing. i am not sure i can do it
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Hey arwen
Let me tell you a little bit about myself. Im 19 years old and im resiting my last year at college. Last year i dropped out because i realised i had depression and anxiety and things got really bad for me, i couldnt work or concentrate, i wanted to sleep all the time, i was always tired, didnt have any real friends and so on. I used to love to study but i found i just couldnt do it anymore, my mind and heart wasnt into it. I began to hate college so much i found that i couldnt face it and ended up dropping out and a year later im back again. I am more relaxed now at college and things are still pretty much the same, but nothings worse than staying at home and doing nothing and i think i needed to focus on something to get back on track. My work is still suffering, i know i can do more but right now i just cant. People think im lazy, my dad especially. But he doesnt understand, a lot of people done. How can i explain it to them? I tried but they just throw it back in my face. I learnt that its not the end of the world me dropping college. I thought it would be. Ive always loved working hard and getting good grades and never in a million years did i think i would drop out of college but i needed to and i learnt so much from life and about myself. I needed the time out, it was meant to be that way.
Try not to think about the future too much yea because you dont know whats going to happen, your only 15 yet and got your whole life ahead of you. In order to deal with everything maybe it would be better to take things as they come instead of planning. Way I see it is that this is all some major test and I have just got to find a way to get through it. Life throws stuff at you and you just have to find a better way of dealing with it. Yea ok your school work is suffering......do your parents know that your cut yourself? They may be more understanding if they knew how bad things were for you that you feel you need to cut yourself to release the pain. Dont be to scared about the future arwen, you know i cant even think about the future anymore. I used to all the time but i would get so anxious and scared and it would drive me in a frenzy. I just dont want to waste my time worrying about the future but just spend it living the present.
Its amazing what you can do once you believe in yourself. Your just going through a really rough rough patch, you have to believe or try to believe that things will get better. This is just a phase of your life where you are going through some really bad things. When you go through things like this other things get tested to, like relationships with teh poeple closest to you. Hopefully it will make them stronger, people may learn to become more patient cuz they love you. I can understand that the relatinships must be strained probably cuz your going through things and you feel no one will understand, therefore you dont let them in or tell them things, or even if you do tell them they still dont understand which gets really frustrating maybe.
I hope this helps, im sorry if it doesnt make sense, i was just speaking from the heart.
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