Grrrr! I just want to scream! The …
Grrrr! I just want to scream! The lack of services in this area for the terminally ill is abysmal! Everywhere I call …
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Having a very bad day. Started yesterday, got into it with a nursing home aide...I hate nursing homes. I hate that my wonderful, sweet mom is now living in one. I hate it I hate it I hate it...am I stupid? Why cant I figure out how to get her nearer to me? Live with me. Or at a nursing home nearer to me. I cant move her again..I cant change her doctors and her hospital, all her specialists. Or can I? I know I am going to regret this someday, I promised her she would never be in a nursing home. And I put her in one. .How did I do that to her?
I had no choice..or I'm too stupid to know another choice. I just am so tired. It's all I do now is try to find ways to maker her butt pain go away, on the internet looking for cures, all of her symptoms, I'm consumed by her and making her better. Like I'm God..yeah, who the hell do I think I am. I don't want to be God, I just want to know I'm doing all I can do.
I had no choice..or I'm too stupid to know another choice. I just am so tired. It's all I do now is try to find ways to maker her butt pain go away, on the internet looking for cures, all of her symptoms, I'm consumed by her and making her better. Like I'm God..yeah, who the hell do I think I am. I don't want to be God, I just want to know I'm doing all I can do.
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OH, My dear Friend , I am so sorry for all of your sadness. My mom also feared going into a nursing home. Thankfully she never had to . Her grandson lived with until she passed away. So she was able to stay at home. It is hard when we are asked to promise something that sometimes we have absolutely no control over. You are not stupid for not having another choice. You are doing absolutely everything that can be done to help and protect her as she receives the care she needs. I understand searching for answers for something that we do not understand. That is how I found this DS site. I was at an absolutely low point and thought I had no where to turn. I called the 800 number for PD and talked to a lady that had to have been an angel. She said her mom had PD and she talked to me for about an hour. Gave me lots of information. Told me about the DS site. Then I found these wonderful friends. We will be here when you feel you need to talk or just vent. Sending Blessings to you and your family tonight. Hoping that you can get some much needed rest. Love, pat
firelady
Melody: Sounds like we both had the same day yesterday. I know in my heart that you and I and so many others are doing everything we can. NH's can have bad and good moments for me. I know he's safer than on his own, I know he's eating and taking his meds (hopefully without me having to be there)they are keeping him clean and dressed. If we didn't care, we wouldn't have searched so hard and keep searching to make them comfortable. I talked late last night to a nurse at the home my Dad is in and she went through the same thing with her Mom. She said so many people have no one to come visit or help care for them. She also said she burned out herself and found that she had to have at least one day that she turned off her phone for awhile and did things for her or she was worthless to care for her Mom. Maybe this comfort of talking to others is where I will find a small bit of peace in this horrible chaos. I'm going to try today to head to work, get outside for a walk, leave my cell phone behind for a few hours and try to breathe. I know we are doing everything in our power. The distance is killing me, but I'm going to make that a goal next month. The change might just kill him though, I know what you mean. I wish we lived closer and we could ride together and listen to some music and laugh a bit. Music has become a pretty good medicine for me. Older songs that I can belt out in my terrible voice in my car alone!
I'm going to make a treat to bring to his NH on 4th of July. I think the more the nurses aides see me coming in at all hours and talking to them a bit too, makes them feel a bit more caring toward my father. Who knows, maybe I'm just trying to make myself think that!
Any ideas for a treat to bake or bring? I think you and I both could use a day off of this madness roller coaster!
Hang in there, and breathe with me today!
Cathy
Pounder
Dearest Melody, dont beat yourself up about your mom in a nursing home, you have been such a wonderful supportive daughter... I dont think there is much more humanly possible that you could have done,,, Im so proud of what you have done as a carer... I pray that when i need a carer, i will have one as wonderful as you.
I watched my beautiful grandmother live the rest of her life in a nursing home, and if i could go back and change anything, l would have visited her more, and told her how precious she was,,, maybe thats what you could to ... Then there will be no regrets at all
Visit your mom, be positive, thats all you can do
Love Peachy
peachybum