heaventobetsy's Journal

I totally understand where you are coming from. Although I didn't have the same experiences growing up, I am with you on your views of why people should adopt. I don't tend to post anymore, it seems you can't do right for doing wrong on that forum sometimes so like you, I use my journal for this stuff. Take care xxx

Betsy!!! I am so proud of you!! You wrote and THAT'S what matters!!! To the hell with those that don't understand and pay no mind to those that are just negative, what comes around goes around.

I'm with a with the feeling of being made to feel 'grateful' UGH - it is so very insane... sure I'm grateful for some things but those are things I had a choice in not the ones forced upon me.

My birth step-granddad (yeah I know mouthful - but he's the guy who knew my parents and setup the adoption for his step-daughter) just started calling me right around the Christmas Holidays and telling me how 'lucky I am' 'how grateful I should be' 'what wonderful parents he chose for me' yada yada yada... I'm 35 now thanks, I know how I grew up thanks, I know these people better than you could have ever since you just worked with my dad at Fords and I lived the life no, there was nothing to me moving out at 16 I was just young and stupid... sure thing... again blah blah blah... I know his intentions were good, I also know my parents love me in the best way they know how, but it is very frusterating listening to people tell me how to feel because 'they know better'.

I've become pretty adept at letting things go in one ear and out the other because in the grand scheme none of them any longer control my life... yes they can still affect me, but I can now control how much and when overbearing I just don't answer the phone.

I hope you also find a way that works for you to 'move past' the BS created and I do believe that you writing... it's a BIG step. *HUGS*

Your right, this filling a need thing is not the way to bring a child into the world or adopt a child. And sweetie u won't be abandoned on here or with ur lil sis around. Your family are the ones to be blessed to have u in Their lives not the other way round. You have your life now, ur wonderful life with your bubba addict and your wonderful children and a beautiful, strong u, that has grown through a whole heap of crap to be such an amazing woman, with so much to give!!!! U remember that!!! Love u

I read your post and I agree wholeheartedly that people should adopt for the right reason. My husband and I adopted two beautiful children. I will not lie...It is very difficult. My oldest was 9 when we adopted her and is now 17. My youngest was young enough to adjust during his critical years. Lots of Hugs to You!!!!!!!

I so agree with this... people should only adopt if you know that you can love the child like your own...commit your life to that child 100%.. As if they are your own flesh and blood... after all this is how the child sees you.... you to them are mum and dad... XX

Well, I was a foster mom before adopting. The one we adopted came to us at 3 1/2 weeks and her adoption was finalized at 18 months. There were no guarantees for her being able to stay, but we fought and fought and were given tribal permission.

I think that fulfills the answer that I didn't adopt for myself first...

I never thought of it that way, but that's the way we went about it. We wanted to help children before fulfilling our own needs first.

Unfortunately the marriage didn't last, but she has two of the best parents that love her more than anything in the world.

I agree with what you say... to me my mum and dad gave me up because they were to young and felt I would have a better life being adopted.........
Little did they know.......... I was never actually adopted right through my life due to my adoptive parents splitting.......then suffered sexual abuse from my dad............
I do quite often think however young they were I am sure I would have had a better life............
So if you are going to adopt you have to think of the children first and foremost.........Marriages can't always last unfortunatly but as long as the child is loved by both parents together or not... then that is better than feeling like.. you should be grateful and if they had not taken you in you would be in a home......

(((hugs)))

Adopting a child is an awesome thing even though i haven't adopted but was adopted at 6 wks old to an awesome family and now know and love my birth family now!! They gave me up cause they split up and got married 12 yrs later so just gives me more people and family to love!!

Its amazing how how we all felt the same!!!! and how we can come together and by being honest to others we learn new things about ourselves along the way. Its amazing how us being our lives and what we went through have the gift to feel and know who should adopt and who shouldnt at all. i think in my life i have met only one or two people that i felt would really be a great family and home for a child. people that that child would really grow and beniefit from being with them. I was told just few weeks ago by a man who adopted me the 2nd time i was adopted, that he say my picture and just fell in love even though his wife didnt want me he just had to have me, only to be there for 4 yrs and leave in a nasty divorce where i was used as a pawn for court to prove him unfit and a sexaulabuser. then to be let by the court to a woman who didnt want me in the begining or now. and him? hes no better, i dont even know him anymore, why would he want to know me after i was the one in court saying he beat the kids

good deal!!!! your getting there hon - great in in the forum btw

err.. great entry in the forum *shyly grins*