bellyvoid's Journal

I've taken a few days off for myself. I was doing alright until yesterday. I had some problems w/ the boyfriend. My mood changes drastically when I feel I am not pleasing someone. My ego took over. I made some not so wise food decisions and I was upset; so I ended up sick for the rest of the night. Before bed, I realized I had to get back to loving myself. I overslept. My meals have been ill-timed; and I haven't had enough water. I spent way too much time online. I haven't meditated or done breathing excercises yet. Big mistake. I even promised myself I would do them after I got one more thing done. That's where things started going haywire. I tried to get things done; rather than just be. I'm better off focusing on myself right now. Tomorrow I have to see the gynecologist, so I can get a picture of my ovaries; and she can tell me I have few eggs left, I'm menopausal, and I need hormones. I'm not taking hormones; and I don't believe I'm menopausal. I do need a pause from men though. At least I'll get outdoors tomorrow, although its going to be really hot. I've been holed up here all day in the same clothes I've been wearing since Monday,making  a mess of my place. My legs are swelling from lack of movement. All in all, I'm enjoying time off. I'm used to always doing something. I guess I'm afraid if I stop, I'll go back into the deep depression I had for so many years. I had to be alone for awhile and slow down to start getting closer to myself. I wish I had a few more days off. Just rambling today. Maybe later I'll talk about my triumphs and inspirations. Life is Beautiful! -Jess