bellyvoid's Journal

I slipped today. I wasn't feeling my best today, but not my worst either. I went to the bank after work; and then the grocery store. They didn't have what I was looking for. I think that was when I lost my focused concentration. I looked for something else, and couln't find that. This happened at least two more times. I was also uncomfortable because I'm out in my stupid uniform. Then, I realized I left my card in the ATM. I left the store w/ a sweet made w/ sugar alcohols (still not very good for me). Then, I went to another store and got a small bag of some other stuff not so good for me. I started saying negative stuff when I was in that grocery store. More proof that I lost my concentration. I had a normal, but late dinner. At ten, I had some more not so good food. I've been distracting myself w/ one thing or another all night. I want my concentration back.

Maybe, I'm not loving myself enough. I'm sure this is true.

I've often felt I was nuts. Today I feel this way. Maybe there's no explanation for it. Maybe its hormones. Whatever it is; it will pass. I'm eager to get back to reality. I'm up way too late. I don't understand why I make things harder when I need to take more care w/ myself.

Marc and I are talking about our disconnection. This is good. I was beginning to feel more compasssion for him,but I am having trouble concentrating on that also. I don't understand why we got a bigger apt; if he still channel surfs in the same room. Anyway, I'm feeling irritated.

I have five people who want to join my non-existent group. I better figure out how to start it.

I really have to go because it seems my mood is getting worse.

Sorry such a bummer.