Very bad night! Oh the joys of …
Very bad night! Oh the joys of parenting a teenager with special needs! You don't know when it's the …
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What a weekend! I never heard back from the school (maybe today). I let Jacob ride with a friend to school on Friday. About 4:30 he texted me and said that he was at the skate park ~ which I didn't give him permission to do. I texted him back and told him to get home. He texted and asked if he could stay the night at a friends house ~ once again no. He texted me repeatedly first begging, then cussing me out. I kept my cool and just kept texting no. He didn't come home at all! We didn't call or go get him because we knew exactly where he was. We kept the doors locked and didn't hang around so he couldn't get in.
He came waltzing in Sunday afternoon without a word and went straight to his room. Nick called me (I was shopping with Mom) and said he didn't say one word but kept his head down and went straight to his room. When I got home Nick and I just took off to the casino without a word to him. He kept calling me on my cell and I just ignored the calls. When we got back we said nada to him.
Yesterday Jacob and I had the day off and he got up before me...did all his chores from the weekend and then some. When I got up he apologized for not coming home or calling ~ I told him that the next time he doesn't come home he will not be allowed to come back in EVER!
He said he was mad because we had gotten his progress report and his grades are coming up and yet we said he couldn't stay the night at his friends house. I said that he was grounded because we caught him with weed and did he just forget. He said he didn't forget but it was not on Friday! That child forgives himself just a little too easily!
His face was all messed up (bruises and cuts) I asked him what happened and he said he didn't know! I know ~ probably got drunk and made a stupid ass of himself!
When Nick came home we talked at dinner...Nick told him the same thing that I did. Jacob had the nerve to ask for his tv back and we said none of his things were being given back until the two weeks were over as per the behavior contract.
His dad called and I told him what had happened ~ he just moaned (his ususal sad self). I told him that he hadn't called Jacob at all last week and that wasn't helping matters. I said that if he doesn't call on either Sundays or Mondays from now on then I wouldn't let Jacob talk to him. Everytime he says he is going to call and then doesn't, I have to deal with the bullshit from Jacob.
After he talked to his dad, Jacob said that he didn't even say anything about being him not coming home! He never says anything to him about anything! I have already emailed him and told him not to call anymore because all he does is mess things up worse in Jacob's head!
Today he has a pscych appointment. Thank goodness! I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I have to say (even though I feel really guilty about it!!!) it was kind of nice without him for two days! I didn't have to worry about his moods, his begging ~ it was nice. Is it horrible for me to feel that way? I love him but I didn't have to deal with him.
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No, it isn't horrible to feel that way...it's natural. Constant stress, confrontation, worry...it takes such a toll...you will always love him, but that doesn't mean you will always like him or what he chooses to do. It feels awful...everything that's been forced onto us, how we are supposed to be, feel, etc...the commercials, movies...it creates such guilt, such feelings of failure...if you use this detergent, take this medication, use this and that...you too can have a more brightly colored, harmonious, healthy, fulfilling, successful, financially rich life...your children will be happy and healthy if you do this, send to this school, start teaching at this age, play this kind of music while they are in the womb. Most of us are defeated before we even get started and that's with kids without health issues!!!!
Did you know Denmark was determined to be the happiest counrty? I remember seeing a news story about it...they cited lower expectations from not having such a high capitalist standard/goal, free healthcare and education as main reasons why they are so much more happy and satisfied with their lives.
I'm glad you had a break and were able to not worry about Jacob...sometimes a break for all really helps.
I understand the non-dad thing too...I refuse to talk or even see my ex...will make me blow a gasket...lol. If Ryan wants contact, that is his decision and I won't interfere...not my place. But, I also express to Ryan when his dad is being selfish, unfair, emotionally, mentally abusive...and, I've pointed out how Ryan takes it out on me...it's taken years, but seems Ryan is fed up with it.
I think it's really good you put that boundary in place with Jacob's dad...helps give Jacob boundaries also.
Hope the psych appt. goes well.
xxxx
lynnielouc