missalicia1980's Journal

I have not been on here in well over a month...and I had expected by the time I finally got back on here that everyone would have abandoned me!  But I come to find out that everyone is till here, sending me messages and hugs. I want to thank every one of you for that.

The last month has been extremely hard. I lost my grandmother on Sunday June 22nd.

The Saturday before, I went to work...just waiting to hear the bad news. I went on with my night as normal, then I got a call from my boyfriend that my mom had been calling him. I called my mom immediately, and she couldn't even talk. She put my brother on the phone, and he told me that my grandma had been in a semi-coma since that morning. I immediately left work - a complete wreck - stopped by the local bar to have a quick beer and a shot to calm down, and picked up my boyfriend. Since Damon had never got to meet my grandma when she was "well", it was so important to me that he got to meet her before she passed. (Since the last she knew, I was with my asshole ex-boyfriend, and I wanted her to "know" that I was finally happy.)

When I showed up to the nursing home, I was crying hysterically. I could not believe that this was going to be it. I layed by her bed, held her hand, and said a prayer for her. I just put my head on her chest and cried. She was not awake, but she knew we were there. The hospice nurses came in every half an hour or so to give her Morphine so she would be comfortable, they would wash her down and put fresh deodorant on her. Around 3 in the morning, I had to leave. I was so exhausted from being up all day, and I knew that my mom wanted to be left alone with her. My aunt and my mom painted my grandma's toenails blue, because that is what she had always wanted - so we had a bit of a laugh about them doing that to her.

She passed away the next morning just after 11:00 a.m.

It's been difficult watching the pain that my mom is feeling. Since her entire shitty family abandoned her, they did not even stand near her at the funeral. Instead, I just held her hand and cried with her. She was shaking uncontrollably, and it killled me to see my own mother this way.

I know that my grandma is okay now. My grandfather passed away in 1975 - so I never knew him - but he has waited 33 years to be with her again. About a week after she died (on July 2nd) it was their wedding anniversary. I pictured them dancing up in Heaven, having the best time ever, and it made everything so much easier for me.

Also, my aunt's granddaughter, who is about 6 years old, never met my grandma. This girl has some sort of disease where she does not speak AT ALL except sometimes to her mom. She used to tell her mom that she saw a black cloud over the neighbor's house...there was no black cloud...later to find out that the neighbors are Atheist.

The little girl came to the wake with her family...and asked her mom why there were TWO people in the casket...

Apparently, this little girl sees spirits and hears voices. She has had this imaginary friend for the longest time, but she has no other real friends. Now, I know some are skeptical of the supernatural and ghosts, spirits, etc. - but I do believe that some people do have the gift of seeing these things. And for some reason, she was able to see my grandfather right there with my grandma...without even knowing that he also had passed away long ago.

This story warmed my heart, and I know that everything will be okay. She is finally at peace.

Thank you again for all who have been asking me about all of this. Please do me a favor and keep my family in your prayers. Especially my mom, Mary. She needs all the support she can get right now.

Have a nice weekend.

~Alicia~