lufbecky's Journal

I have the coolest therapist in the world! she made an appointment for me today because she had to cancel last weeks from weather. I made plans for a friend to take my kids to daycare for me, so I could walk to the appointment without being late. Welp, the friend didn't show and its a normal thing for her.

The last few days I've been crying a lot. I've been feeling like a doormat and very unimportant to people. "Becky puts herself on the back burner, so I may as well, too"

To me, assertive people feel mean. Assertive is selfish. Why the hell am I saying this?! I know its ridiculous but its how I feel.

June (my therapist) said something to me today: "you are entitled to how you feel, but how you feel isn't always the truth" Meaning that my complaint of feeling unimportant and unloved and uncared for are just feelings. They are still mine and I'm entitled to them, but it doesn't mean that Brandy and Mike don't love or care about me. Then what does it mean? Thats what I don't get. Things need to be a little bit more logical here. If I am loved, then why would the poeple who love me, make me feel the opposite with their blatent unloving, and uncaring actions?!!!

So anyway, going back to me feeling that assertive is selfish is a feeling and is not necessarily true. Pfft, whatever...I dont get this...I'm confused. Can anyone translate this psycho-babble into plain english, please?

luf

Becky