stormylife13's Journal

Tonight.....

  I really have no clue what to think about what went on tonight.

Was I acting "emo" or being annoying?

I have no clue what I did but I think Chelsea was pissed at me.

At least she seemed to be...

Being with people was better than being home alone watching tv on a Friday night.

I had a good time listening to some awesome music though.

Something is up with me right now and I dont know what...

My parents are watching a movie and I came in...

my stepmom said " I have a $1.75...are you interested."

I said no...she is sick and I really dont want her to smoke.

Other wise I would have said yes.

She got pissed at me...what the fuck?

I will probably spend the rest of my night on the porch chain smoking till Im out of cigarettes.

Sometimes I wish I could just be content with things and deal with it.

Im thinking that I am about to go crazy again.

I totally snapped* at my dad today.

He asked me if I could take my dishes out when I was done in the tv room...

I went fucken crazy.

I know that I do shit and I try to stop myself when I know Im doing something....but

things seem to be harder to cover up.

Nothing is going on... I am not happy but Im not sad.

Things are going ok... but when shit isnt going on I slip into dream mode.

I think thats why I start shit so much is to have something going on to keep me here...

Not off in my thoughts.

I want to change so much but I dont seem to know how.

Everything feels so superfical* these days.

Telling people I love them or even saying their my friends feels like a lie.

Its like those are things I have to say.

I am so close to giving in....letting myself go back into just being a total messed up bitch.

Its so much better...I feel and have emotions...

Now I am just a random walking the streets and attending school.

Allison