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Evil Ruth
I don't know if that was always in me..... I never thought of myself as evil.
I know I've always hated bullies and am forever haunted by my past.
I've always been weak and scared.
But that Evil Ruth was happy to be evil, she wasn't scared, infact she was a fighter and she was the devil.
So who am I?
Am I Weak Ruth and Evil Ruth all in the same.
Should I be Evil Ruth???????
So I can protect others from bullies.
I don't know.... was this Evil me always there?
Was it dorment until triggered?
Or have I always been an evil beast all along?
As a bullied person I did always have those thoughts of murder inside but never acted on it or spoke of it So was that part of Evil Ruth there?
Don't know.
Hate feeling like this now.
Torn between good and bad. Evil and Good.
PLEASE GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comments
Ruth darlin, you are not evil. We all have evil thoughts sometimes. Especially when something is bothering us. I am a ex suburban housewife, a mom, grandmom, and I have been told I am too nice, but you don't want to cross me. Ivan could tell you how evil I have gotten to him, and his bimbos. Don't put yourself down for it. Besides being good all the time is so boring.
nowheregirl
I don't like the term 'evil Ruth'. I prefer 'misguided Ruth' or 'Unwell Ruth'. There is no evil within you. You're much too loving. And we all have an alter ego that contradicts us.
Steveypoos
When people are hurt, repeatedly over years, it is normal for them to have thoughts like you mention. But, acting on those thoughts and thinking them are two VERY different things. Also, if all that anger and pain is built up it will need to come out. If not given the correct ways to come out, it will come out sideways. I think of it like a bottle of soda shaken over and over and then trying to quickly release the cover. What happens, it explodes! But, if you slowly open the cover, let a little air out, close it and repeat, then it will not explode.
You are not evil for your thoughts and you are not weak for not hurting others. There is a very fine line and it is not easy to walk, especially when hurt.
Humans are similar to animals, if provoked or pushed eventually they will snap back, as a defensive mechanism. How far it goes is up to you.
I have faith in you that you will find the right ways.
Lioness816
No matter what, I think your heart is in the right place. A truly evil person would not even care how others feel or how they are acting. You care. That just means that you have strong feelings, but the will power to know the difference between what is right & wrong. I agree, I don't like the term evil Ruth...you are so far from evil! Believe in yourself...I believe in you!!!
dulcylee
I don't think you are "evil"..everyone is made up of good and bad.. its a delicate balance.
walkinfaith