SavedSoul2006's Journal

     Well, IDK about today. I woke up late. Grandma went to the doctor and will be home later. My head hurts. I ate some cereal cuz I was hungry. I still have the headache.

     Yesterday was ugh. A lot of things happened I guess...

     I went to church. We watched Jesse Duplantis. He's so awesome! We watched Close Encounters of the God Kind! In the video, Jesse talks about actually going to heaven! He talks about what heaven really looks like and smells like and who is there. OUR ANIMALS ARE THERE WAITING FOR US! I'm so excited to go to heaven when I die! I highly reccommend seeing that taping of his sermon!

     Candace took me to the vitamin store and she bought me some colon cleanse. It's this powder stuff that you put in water. If you don't drink it fast, it gets harder and harder to swallow. It tastes really nasty, but it works wonders! I was a little leary about taking it because I thought it would make me have diarhea or something, but nope... it just made me go normal. I'm supposed to take it 3 times a week. I think I can handle that! lol! I just put it in a bottle of water and chug it. Like I said, if you don't drink it fast it gets really thick and hard to swallow. After that, we ate lunch at subway and then she took me home.

     When I got home, I went on the computer again. I was fine. Nothing was wrong with me. Here's the whole conversation and what happened

Grandma comes in my room and starts talking to me...

Grandma: Your mother's very worried about you. I think I'm the problem.

Me: No, why? (getting agitated at Grandma saying 1 that I have a problem when I'm perfectly happy, and 2 everything is always her fault! It drives me insane!)

Grandma: She thinks you're cutting again because she saw your arms.

Me: (getting very agitated) THEY'RE JUST SCARS! I'M NOT CUTTING!

Grandma: Well then show me your butt your back your legs, your stomach, your arms... if you have nothing to hide, then show me.

Me: NO!

Grandma: Well then you must have something to hide.

Me: (I snapped at this point! I tore off my clothes and stood there naked in front of her, with tears running down my face.)

SEE! THERE'S NOTHING HERE! I JUST HAVE SCARS! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! I'M LEAVING! (I grabbed my clothes and put them on. Then I grabbed my backpack and shoes and I left the house for a few hours)

... I didn't tell my grandma where I was going or how long I would be gone or even if I had intentions of coming back at all. I just left. I went to Candace's house. She wasn't home and neither was Timothy. I sat there on their steps and I just cried. I wrote a long letter explaining that I had stopped by and why I was there and that if I didn't call, that someone should call my grandma and tell her that I didn't run away and that I'll be home when I'm ready. I listened to my cd player for a while, then the batteries died. That's when I went back home. Grandma was fine when I came in. I called Candace and told her what happened. She sounded disappointed, but she didn't have much time to talk. I felt better after talking with Candace. She explained a lot of things to me. Then Mom calls and I find out about the poor little horse. You know what? I wasn't sad. I know that the little baby horse will be there in heaven when I get there! So I'm not sad. I didn't even cry. I called my pastors when the phone was free. Pastor Dennis called me back a little later and said he'd pray for the little baby horse.