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What's the point? I can't do this anymore. I wish i could get out of my fucking head, but I can't. I really just want to be dead right now. "It's not the answer." Whatever. How do people who say that even know? Obviously, if they are saying it, then they have not tried it and thus, do not know one way or the other if it is the answer. Duh. So they should shut up with that crap altogether. It's bullshit 101.
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I hate this.
So my new psychiatrist noticed that I was taking Wellbutrin SR once a day...and it's a TWICE/a day med.! That's how my doctor had prescribed it though - to take once a day in the morning - nice! So...maybe that's been part of the cause of my emotional rollar coaster ride??? I've been taking it twice a day now for a few weeks and I think I feel more stable, less shaky and not as nervous all the time. I still have those moments, but they seem less intense. I do feel a bit paranoid though and I don't know if it's just me or what? Mostly I just tell myself to relax and can "pull it together" rather quickly.
I still jam-pack each day with a million things to do. It's a coping mechanism I think...if I'm busy, I don't have to think. I can stay out of my own fucked-up-head and concentrate on other things that need to be done, places I want to go, people I want to hang out with and so on. I've reconnected with some friends and we had a great time out on the town. It really was fun. I probably stayed out too late (um...5 a.m.), but I had hired a babysitter and I didn't get all messed up on alcohol. (Although my friends kind of did.) I've learned to pace myself quite well. I always have at least one, sometimes two, big glasses of water after/in between each alcoholic beverage. It works for me.
Things are seeming brighter and I think I am smiling more. I still get pretty down now and then - but it seems to pass much quicker.
If you're reading this..have a beautiful day. 
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