Electrochique's Journal

Alright, so i was feeling relativly happy until about 10 minutes ago

today i went to the strawberry fair with louise, imogen and laura, and we got a bit wasted, and a bit happy, and i seemed to gain a personality which i have been missing for the last 6 months, and no one has noticed. but they have but they cant be arsed to say anything.

anyway, when im drunk, i have a personality, im happy etc.

and then i went on myspace

yes the dreaded myspace

and there was a bulleton

from a drunk laura and louise.

laura is round louises house.

because louise likse laura better than me, although she wont admit it.

so they have having a laugh together, and im at home, drunk by myself, feeling shit because i am just so disgusting that neither of them can stand me for longer than they have too.

im feeling shit because i will never be what i want to be.

at the strawberry fair, there were so many people, with dread locks, synth dreads, and brightly coloured hair and stuff like that, nice clothes, and i just want to be like them so much, anything im not.

like them, all of them are beautiful, you know what, i dont give a shit about "being beautiful on the inside" like people say to ugly fat people

i want to be fucking gorgeous

i want people to look at me and envy me, and guys to look at me and think "shes fit" or whatever.

and i wish my friends could see how im feeling because god knows i've tried to tell them, but they dont care enough.

so one day, when they realise exactly how im feeling, maybe they will try and help me.

because they never realise when i have cuts

they never realise when i dont talk

they havent realised that im never happy

and they dont realise that im suicidal alot of the time

and i dotn think they ever will.

so thats it.

i give up.