Electrochique's Journal

i swear my brothers only aim in life is to make me feel even worse about myself than i already do. believe me, i hate myself enough, i dont need his extra hate, or anyone elses.

my sister is calling me a bitch and i dont know why, for some reason she hates me today.

i want to talk to daniel. i hate laura, shes always snogging him, and i know i dont really feel things, but i feel like i like him, and theres laura sticking her tongue down her throat, its just a bit hard to watch, seeings as the small amount of positive emotions i feel, im wasting them on him, and there is someone else he likes. i dont think hes ever even thought of me that way.

i am depressed. i havent cut in ages, just so i could go to the prom and not have cuts people could see, i've had my scars on show for liek a week or 2, and they are pretty obvious what they are, and it doesnt take much looking to see them, and no one has noticed. and i know i odnt want people to know i like having a secret but i want someone to know too. and i think that person might be daniel, i mean hes really nice, he gets that, i know hes depressed to, well he has been at some point.

so i am a clinically depressed, bipolar (according to my friends, and it is the same thing as clincal depression isnt it) sociopath who has BPD, PTSD, OCD, and anger issues.

what a nice person i must be to know.

louise is neglecting me. that sounds wierd but its true.

she doesnt notice me because shes to wrapped up in herself and laura and imogen.

she says shes my best friend, but she likes laura and imogen SO much more than me, becaues they do german, and ccf together they go off with eachtoehr i just don twant to get blocked out and im am seriously not good at taking things and ive just did shitly in my GCSE french oral exam and i absolutley hate him and i just feel like crying. my teacher just gives me that look that says, yolur doing really badly , why cant you see that.

its so annoy8ing for once in my life i want to do better than someone at something

it really got to me that time when louise corrected me on my french

its the one thing im better than her at, the only thing, because shes in all the top groups and im in all the average groups, and then she corrects me on my fucking french, and i say no your wrong, and she keeps trying to prove me wrong and its like ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL WORTHLESS? ITS THE ONE THING IM GOOD AT AND YOU THINK YORU BETTER THAN ME I FUCKING HATE THAT.

i just need something im good at.

im good at art but when someone says, whos good at art? my name doesnt come up.

i just wnat to be good at something

i just want to be recognised as someone more than who i am

why do i hate myself so much

what is there to like

thats what he keeps telling me

what is there to like, why do you acctually have friends? no one liked you before why do they like you now? you're not special why do you think you are? you're not unique you'll never be unique, you're just the same as everyone else you're just boring and plain and no one will ever know your name.

and when you die, everyone will forget you. the only reason they remember you is because your always hanging round them, they cant get rid of you, and thats why they dont forget you. they will though, dont worry, they will.

and he just keeps saying that kind of thing.

thats it, i give up, im going to cut at some point. i fucking hate myself