Kyna's Journal

I'm still sick, had a day without my throat killing me yesterday but it came back with a vengance yesterday. All I can eat is yogurt (which ANY OTHER TIME would have me crawled up feeling like I'm going to die from the pain...(some protein in the milk)) and toast. They have no idea what is wrong still, especially since I'm done with the strep throat medication and still sick, plus the antiacid originally given (since the original idea was acid reflux...) does nothing.

I know why I'm not sleeping now...the original reason behind my insomnia...NIGHTMARES. I told my mom...she said I have to learn to change my dreams...and she'll take me to a psychologist if I want...though she says she doesn't have time for it, go figure. While I'm dreaming I don't know what is going on, I whimper in my sleep, cry out or I just wake up crying or with that awful foreboding feeling or screaming (only know about that and the whimpering/crying out in my sleep from falling asleep on the phone so often). I can't fall asleep at night...and most often during the day unless someone is besides me...even if it is just our minds linked gently through hearing their voice.

I'm almost done with school...just 2 more tests before my final in chem so before august..YAY! I think I got my original job back...so I'll be working everyday most likely. Some days at the accountant's office the others at Stop & Shop...good for the money income, but it'll be hard when it comes to the school year, I'll have to work a max of six days a week so I can have a night to myself. I think it'll keep my mind off the serious mood swings...and how sick I am, plus I'm volunteering at the library near me this summer and may keep doing that through the school year, just not as much. I like having a full plate...really keeps me from hurting myself, which I've fallen back into. Though it can also push me into a depression where I stop being able to do anything. Nothing likes to be easy in my life. 

Right now...my mental state isn't even close to good. I'll admit that to all of you. I don't even know what to do anymore.