StephanieDawn's Journal

changes...and general bitching :) Mood

Friday, May 16, 2008 | A Venting story

My head is spinning. My allergies are whack. I can't stop coughing. I'm hungry. I'm bitchy. Stupid people get on my ever-loving nerves. I want to kick this guy that came in earlier. He was not nice, and I steadily maintained a smile until he walked out of my office, and then I secretly wished a bird would shit on his head on his way to the car.

I miss the desire to be at this job. I miss the spark it gave me in the beginning. I used to love being the one that everyone came to if they needed an answer, but now I'm over it. I requested a transfer, and my boss obliged, and I question the speed of the turn around like perhaps some of the things that have happened in the last month were a ploy to burn me out and make it seem like my idea to transfer. Am I really that transparent? Do they realize I don't like my job anymore? I'd like to think that I hide it well.

I'm intollerable today. No one has complained, but I tried to keep to myself and fake my way through this day so that I could unravel the tangled mess in my head when I got off work. I wish I wanted to be here. I wish I wanted this job. I wish I wanted my car. God has shown me several times this month that I need to be thankful for what I have. Wrecked my car - wish it was in one piece again! Broken cell phone - yep, wish that was in one piece, too! Now, I've got to start packing my things and leaving the beautiful apartment that I call home, so that I can move into a place that's ten years older and three times smaller. I know this move is necessary for me to remain mentally stable at work. I NEED this, but when I move out, and look around at this big empty space, it'll be bitter sweet.

This apartment is where I ended my marriage, and I'm SO ready to get out of here for that reason! I don't want anything to do with him. As I pack, I'm going to throw away our old dishes we bought when we got our first apartment 7 years ago, and I might just break them. Depends on my mood. I'm going to dissolve any remnants of the old life. That's going to feel so good, I may just go start right now! :-)

I'm sorry if anyone has been texting me. I was able to turn my phone on and burnt up the very last bit of battery left, and I had 10 text messages come in, so just know that I'm not ignoring you guys, I just can't charge my phone in order to text back.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

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Comments

I laughed at your entry. My allergies are also killing me and I HATE EVERYONE. It's nice to hear someone else vent and it does sound like you are going through a lot. Take it day by day and I hope it gets easier.

doglover08
I am sorry about your allergies and the feelings about your job. A new place and job will be a new start. So much has happened to you lately and you always manage to put up a strong front...SO, break those dishes, gf!!!

lynn4
i know what u mean about putting on the face at work or anywhere else. maybe a new start will be what you need, although change in any way is hard. but you can do it! you are a pretty tough lady!

darlap
Change is good and I definitely am up for one when things don't go right. I wish you best in decisions you need to make. I know it's hard but ultimately make the best one for you in the long run.

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BeyBey
When you mentioned about breaking the dishes I started laughing imaginging you breaking them and singing, "Breaking Dishes" by Rihanna. Look it up before you break the dishes it'll give you that funky background music. :o) Good luck with the move. I'm doing that too and it's nerve wracking!

jinxindisguise
I've never heard that song, but I'll definately look it up! Should be fun! :)

StephanieDawn
I heart you. You are going to be just fine.

Kristen07
Take the dishes to the dumpster, and throw them in as hard as you can (just be careful of flying glass). The feeling of freedom is wonderful!

Strawberr1e5
*takes notes* Dumpster - check. Dishes - check. Protective eyewear - check. Should make for a lovely evening!

StephanieDawn