osa's Journal

Journal Entry for February 24, 2008 Mood

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Yesterday was painful. I can remember my brother calling out for our mother with his last breaths. He had become so weak and fraile. This was a man that was always so big and strong--reduced to skin and bones. My mother held him in her arms and talked about when he was a child until he took his last breath. She was there when he took his first breath and when he took his last one. That picture and those words are etched in my memory. I witnessed the purest form of love in the world. I cried for the beauty of the memory and our loss at the same time.

I am better today. I just had to have some time to reflect. It was painful, but necessary. I believe I needed to recall and understand what a wonderful family I have and that we will always love and cherish each other no matter what occurs. I want to pass that legacy to my children and grandchildren for it is truely priceless.

Such a wonderful gift and my STBX just threw their love away. Guess that is the most difficult thing for me to accept and understand. What a beautiful family I have, loving considerate, kind, giving and honest. How could he just stop loving us? I believe my parents lost two sons this last year--and I lost my two best friends. What a blow. I didn't really look at it that way until yesterday. I know one day I will see my brother and be able to rejoice with him ---but Stacey is lost in a way that there is no rejoicing, no reconciliation; it is the death of the living. I do not understand and probably never will. All I can do is accept what has happened and go on with my life until it is time for me to go be with my brother and all the others that have gone before me.

I am truely blessed.

Hug osa

Send to a Friend

Comments

I also have that wonderful family and am also truly blessed! Thank you for helping me to remember that!

Hugs to you and I am so sorry about your brother! I have two brothers and one of them I just spent some time with in the hospital with our father,, when he got there, no words were passed,, all I had to do was walk up to him and his arms were around me and my head was on his chest! Such a bond cannot be broken, no matter what!

Hugs to you and thank you for sharing this!
Love,
Jerrie

Giddy
You know you make a good point. I read that divorce is sometimes harder than death because in divorce the one you love leaves you intentionally and with purpose; with death your loved one does not choose to leave you. I know the loss of your brother must have been terrible, but you know he would never have left you by choice. Your ex on the other hand chose to leave you; that is hard; that is rejection; that is how I feel about it. My mom died when I was only 4 and my dad cried for years and years over his loss at night when he thought noone could hear him; he would have done anything to have kept her with us. On the other hand, my ex just walks out on us and starts a new life by his own selfish choice. My dad was so much better than my ex. Why does it have to be that men who truly love their wives can lose them like that and yet, someone like my ex can just throw me away? You get the point.

debpei