lostNarizona's Journal

The days are sooooooo very long. I leave this house sometime between 6 and 6:30 AM each day, not returning until around 6 each night. Certainly a drastic change, but one I do not regret most days. However, I miss the friends, the chats, the daily refreshing of bonds that I have made here. The work is interesting though and the hours fly by. One drawback? Well, certainly there is the drawback of not being here to chat, but one thing that stings on a daily basis? I work in a pediatric office. Each day I encounter children... I hold, comfort, and play with the patients, I see mothers cuddling their children, I see little girls who could be Kelsey, and I shrivel a bit inside. I took the job thinking I would be in a back office, busily billing and talking to insurance companies. Not so...an office with a  very relaxed atmosphere where everyone pitches in, truly a wonderful place to work, but there is that price to pay. Today, a little girl climbed into my lap, and the tears threatened to fall from my eyes. She was the same age as Kelsey, her hair flipped just as Kelsey's does, and the eyes that looked trustingly up into my face were a startling light blue, so very like my baby bear's. Agony grasped hold of my heart and would not let go. I have told no one there of my children and our situation, it will take a bit to trust that pain to them. So, I will continue to work among them, to put a smile on, to try to look at each little girl and boy who crosses the office threshold and not see my children.