LJay's Journal

Journal Entry for January 25, 2008 Mood

Friday, January 25, 2008

Well, It's finially Friday. I get to my doctors office yesterday and they had picked up and moved location, apparently without telling their patients!?! I rebooked for tuesday at the new office so I get to avoid the doc for a few more days!! What a week of up and downs this has been for me. I'm glad its over, but sad to say that I am thinner today than I was on Monday. I just feel so bad. My mom picked me up this morning and she was just looking me up and down with such heartbreak in her eyes. She asked me how I did yesterday. I half lied. I told her that during the day I wasn't too good, but I did perfect making it through the night (meaning I didn't purge my dinner). How depressing that is. I totally did purge it.

I have been feeling unwell for the past few days just in the mornings.... the usual, dizziness, fatigue. I'm pretty sure my potassium is getting to a dangerously low level again. I don't like banannas, but I was so worried the other day, I actually ate one. I just don't know if I even care anymore, but obviously I do or I wouldn't worry about myself right?....I think about eating so much...I need to get over it BADLY....BUT HOW...HOW CAN I DO IT?

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oh hun hang in there xx

Laura28
Oh, I can feel your sadness & frustration. You know you are ill, and all the guilt & depression you feel is such a horrible part of life with ED. If you are feeling really crappy, don't wait until Tuesday to see a doctor; go to emerge where they can at least give you some fluids via IV, and get you feeling better. Don't mess around if you think your potassium is low. (And please continue to try and eat!)

Slimpics
Hang in there....Good on you for not purging...Love heaps, shelle xox

shellebelle
Oh Laura! I'm worried about you! Are you still seeing a therapist? Please talk to one soon if you are, you are too young, smart & talented to feel bad about yourself and hurt yourself. I know it's tough, but this is your body. You need to be healthy and I know you want to get healthy. Please take care and talk to someone. You WILL get through this :)

ncleo