Orsova's Journal

Journal Entry for January 7, 2008 Mood

Monday, January 7, 2008

My partner says I'm brave and I've tried to dispell this myth as best I can. I am not brave. I am scared and sad but if I give in to these feelings, then MS is the winner. If I appear brave it is only because I am far more scared of being scared. Once the feeling of hopelessness takes hold I would no longer have the resilience I lay claim to. So, feigning bravery, laughing in the face of adversity, putting friends and family at ease with the positive way I deal with this disease is part of my survival technique. I am not prepared to expose that soft inner core.

But, my partner says, 'it's ok to have a weep, to cry on my shoulder, to let it all out. I'm here for you.. Don't bottle things up.'

I try again. Farmers here wear heavy oilskin overcoats called Driazabones. I tell him that I feel I must wear this coat of bravery to protect me from bad weather. I need to appear brave because to do otherwise is to unbelt the coat and expose myself to the weather. The coat is heavy and wearing it everyday isn't too easy but I do it because it protects me.

'Ah, ' he says, ever the philosopher, 'but you can take your coat off when the storm is over.'

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Comments

Sounds like you have a wise one.. Perhaps he can represent the fasteners on the coat that help you keep it on.. ;o) As for me, I am thinking of taking antidepressants or something like that, because I have too little patience with my poor ole 91 1/2 year old mom!

olelady
Darling, this is such a wonderful way to put this MS struggle we all face. Like you, I try to wear a brave face. I rarely give it to my fears in front of anyone. Yes, I'm with you on the bravery; as hard as it is sometimes, I still think it's the best way. Besides, you never know when the Universe is listening! I believe we must be very careful of what with wish for as we will surely get it... xoxoxo Cj

ddeadred
Sounds like a wonderful guy! I agree to try not to keep things bottled, the least amount of stress we have to endure, the better MS will treat us! Thanks so much for your support! Luv ya! xoxoxo

Julz
Just beware that overtime this coat gets ever so much heavier. Bottling it up is not healthy either, sometimes you need to just let it out. Sounds like your partner is ready for you to do this. I wish you the best of luck...

LostSoul07