Saracooks's Journal

Dear Dickhead,

You do realize that my friends and I refer to you as dickhead? Well, now you do.

I've dreamed of you the last couple of nights. Now don't get excited, in them I'm screaming at you.  I'm telling you all the things that I want to say to you but don't because I don't want to escalate the divorce.

I'm going to tell you them here. And some day, like maybe the day after the divorce is final, maybe I'll say them to you.  

Your lack of responsibility, your childish immature bullshit is still affecting my life. you still haven't filed your fucking taxes? You thought that I would wait around to file with you?! When was that going to be? When hell freezes over?

You haven't filed but you expect me to pay half? Half of what exactly?  

I'm good with the IRS. You fucked yourself over. Now deal with it. Or don't. I don't care, just leave me out of it. 

I gave up everything for you. I cashed in my retirement for you.  I spent the last of my small trust fund, every dime I made while we were together.

I left nearly everything with you when I left.

And you want more?!

Here's the message dirt bag, I HAVE NOTHING!

I have nothing more to give to you. And if I did, YOU WOULDN'T GET IT!

You miserable piece of shit, I am done being your doormat, your mommy, your banker...

your maid. I'm done wiping your ass for you. I'm done covering for you so that no one would find out what a worthless fuck you are.

That's the point of divorce.

For it to be OVER.

And at the end of this month, it will be over. 

 You say that I took the low road. I told the truth. I reached out for support.

And now that people see what a cowardly fucktard you are, I get lots of support.

You are just as pathetic as your father. Trying to live off of women. A lying irresponsible piece of shit.

Will you be like him and finally try to get your shit together in your mid-sixties?

Well I wasn't willing to wait around thirty years to find out.

I wasn't willing to waste any more of my life with you.

You wasted your opportunity with me. I gave you my love, my heart, my body. I gave you my talents, my work, my support.

And that had value! Even though you never saw it.

I thought the final insult was when you didn't even ask me to stay when I told you I was leaving.

The final insult is for you to continue to drag this out. To expect me to pay for your mistakes.

Well I have some news for you fucktard, I finished the interrogatory. I'm going to see my lawyer next week. You haven't even sent in the small request we sent you in FEBRUARY. This is the second set of details I'm giving over and as you remember, I'm good with details.  

And when we go to court, we'll wipe the floor with you.

I am done shedding tears for you. I am done letting you take advantage of me.

I have every right to want vengeance.  And you know what that vengeance will be?

My indifference.  I was the best thing to ever happen to you. You will never have another woman love and care for you like I did.  

But you know what?

I already have found a man who really sees me for who I am.  And he thinks it's glorious. He loves me. He supports me.   In the short period time I've been with him, I see how much you lacked.

He's responsible. He's kind and loving and thoughtful.  

He's an outrageously good lover. I have a healthy sexual relationship with him. You tried to push that on me, like it was all my fault that we had a practically sexless marriage.

Now I know the difference. The lack was not in me, it was in you.