Join Now
aren't we supposed to follow our hearts? isn't that where the happy endings lay? aren't we told that if we always use our head and never listen to our heart, that we will never be truly happy?
but what if our heart and head are both wrong? what if there is no solution, except to get hurt? how are you supposed to make that desicion? flip a coin?
how do you know where to go, when every path leads to heartache? do you just try to figure out which would hurt the least?
what if the choice is between hurting yourself, and hurting others? do you trade someone else's happiness for your own?
and what if there is no answer? what if you're left wondering, forever? how do you live with that?
do you just continue with your life, acting as if your heart isn't breaking every moment of every day? do you try to make yourself believe it was "for the best"? do you paste on a fake smile and lie to everyone around you, even though you can never lie to yourself?
or do you cry into your pillow every night, wishing you never had to wake up again? do you waste your time trying to get back that which was lost?
or do you "move on"? do you trade in your past love for something new and strange, and unfamiliar? do you do you wake up each day, telling yourself, "today i will love him"?
or is it your destiny to be alone? to live without love? do you even deserve to be loved? and who decides who is worthy to be loved, or give love?
are we even capable of making ANY of those decisions ourselves? do you believe in someone or something with the power to help you decide?
and if there is someone, are you really making the decision? or are you letting someone else make it for you?
in the end, we each have to live with our decisions, big and small. each and every decision we make affects our life in some way. so, there really is no point in second-guessing. hindsight is 20/20 and you can never change the past. there is no point in looking back, your future is ahead of you. learn from your mistakes and move on, always picking yourself up, never stay down. and when you need it, there is always a helping hand. you have only to reach out and take it.
so, even if you knew the answer to every question asked, would it really make your decisions easier? or would it just make life harder?
i don't need the answer to every question. just the one about my heart.
Comments
with john. again. it's more back and forth shit. i just feel like a yo-yo. WTF??!!!! damnit. i'm back to wanting to be with him, missing him, loving him. he says he misses me, wants to see me, date me, etc. he's very affectionate and touchy, but ONLY when we're alone. whenever he's around anyone, he won't even hug me. AHHH!!!!! why WHY do i do this to myself? DAMNIT. i don't know what to do! if only i could just get away from here, from him. but of course, i can't. well, unless maybe i can take a trip with my dad. i'm really hopeing for that. or maybe if i could just meet someone really great. but i never meet anyone new. i want to meet some military guys. i need to go out with my friend latisha, she knows some guys. but i'm SO not good at meeting new ppl. SO WHAT TO I DO??!!?!!?!
Comments
-
jump out and take a chance!
i had a job interview at the library today. i hope it went well. i think it did. just keep praying for me. i NEED this. badly. i was very anxious, but i think it went well. i prayed for peace and stayed pretty calm. so here's hoping!!!
Past Entries
| August 2008 |
Monday, 8/18
 |
|
Thursday, 8/14
|
|
July 2008 |
Saturday, 7/26
|
Friday, 7/25
|
|
Wednesday, 7/23
|
|
Friday, 7/18
|
|
Friday, 7/18
|
|
Sunday, 7/13
|
|
Wednesday, 7/09
|
|
June 2008 |
|
Thursday, 6/26
|
Sunday, 6/22
|
|
Thursday, 6/19
|
|
May 2008 |
|
Thursday, 5/29
|
|
Thursday, 5/29
|
|
Tuesday, 5/20
|
|
Sunday, 5/18
|
|
Friday, 5/16
|
|
Wednesday, 5/14
|
|
April 2008 |
|
Monday, 4/28
|
|
Monday, 4/07
|
|
March 2008 |
|
Monday, 3/24
|
|
Thursday, 3/20
|
|
Tuesday, 3/18
|
|
Sunday, 3/09
|
|
Monday, 3/03
|
|
February 2008 |
|
Monday, 2/11
|
|
December 2007 |
|
Thursday, 12/27
|
|
November 2007 |
|
Wednesday, 11/28
|
|
Wednesday, 11/28
|
|
Monday, 11/26
|
|
Sunday, 11/18
|
|
Sunday, 11/18
|
|
Sunday, 11/11
|
|
Sunday, 11/11
|
Goal Updated
Honey I have been where you are and in most of the situations you describe. If you don't move on you won't be happy,yes if you take a chance on someone new you might get hurt but you may also find someone wonderful too. Have two broken marriages behind me and now have my true mate. I finally wake up each day knowing I love him and no matter what the day brings we will deal with it together. Compared to you I am an antique and you are the new and improved model. Just remember if you don't take a chance with someone new you may never find what you are looking for, don't look back look forward.
nutz
I agree with nutz 100%. My parents are divorced, my mom has moved on, but my dad hasn't and it breaks my heart to see him the way he is. He refuses to move on and in turn he is angry because he hurts so much. I don't even know what I am trying to say... maybe I am rtying to say it is better to move on sometimes and recreat yourself then to sit and wallow in your own self pitty and wish for something to happen that might not ever come to light. I wish you the best and only you can decide what is best for yourself!
LissaC
you are right. every decision we make influences the rest of our life. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean every decision determines whether we will be happy in 20 years or not.
i know the pain you are going through. I've had similar, but not the same - close enough to understand. like i've said before, this is the right time for you to become goal oriented. one of the most significant differences between successful and unsuccessful people is that successful people set goals AND they write them down. The writing down part is apparently as critical as having goals. each goal needs to be measurable and have a timeframe.
The reason for the goals goes right to the question of all the decisions you have to make. if you set a physical, spiritual, emotional and career goals, then each choice you have to make can be viewed as to whether it will help you achieve your goals. that way, while you are in a time of despair, or confusion, you have something to help guide your decisions. and if you still don't know the answer, you are then able to call on friends to help you make the decision and your friends will have the framework for the question in light of the goals you set.
Of course you deserve to be loved. The only thing you can't do in life is make someone willingly do something. if you want your ex back again, it will take hard work and time. you will have to become someone he wants to be with. what type of person would that be? how can you get there? this will be hard because your decisiosn can't be based on what you want in the near term, they have to be based on getting back with your husband. You may not want him enough to do whatever is necessary (and don't do something that hurts your future, just to have him back.)
i could right another 500 pages, but i won't. However, your motivation for each goal will determine your ability to succeed. the hard goals take big motivation and you will probably need to read about your motivation every day to stay focused. so when you write your goals down, write down your motivation for that goal. read them every day. journal about your progress towards your goals.
what is likely to happen is that you will become a new and better person and you may decide to change your goals.
i'm sorry that i can't just give advice about daily decisions because i'm not in your shoes. however, i can share with you what works. i've coached a lot of professionals about this and it's amazing what they have accomplished. i know you and i'm completely confident that you can be wildly successful. i have a sense that in 5 years Gabe's mommy will be a person we will all be going "wow!" look what she has done with her life!
You are a great person who has some real difficulties. But you are very young, you have no feloney convictions and a bright life ahead of you and for your son also.
count on your DS group for strength and support. count on yourself to know your goals and what motivates you.
lastly, you know that BP will make this harder, but it won't make it impossible. with the right meds, exercise and goal focus, you will be the person we all look to for inspiration!
pbb
If you're "living" you are facing challenges and risks on a daily basis, some that cause pain. God gave us the gift of life and the freedom to make our own choices. All of the choices we make may not be the right ones but we will learn from them. I know your marriage was a heartbreqak but look into the face of little Gabe and you know it eas not all wrong. What a gift that little guy is. He's a good example of choices and pain, although his are physical at this point in his life. He ventures and sometimes it hurts, but he learns. Don't give up on life...it's a beautiful gift that can bring you much joy! xxxSandra
Meekacat