Starlight1286's Journal

Yesterday Ryan called to ask if I could see a movie tonight, but I said I couldn't because the sorority had a B&B. I wanted to go because I tend to miss things for various reasons, and even though I wanted to see him I decided I could see him another time. When it got to tonight, I really didn't feel at all like going anymore, but I was going to make myself anyway. I had to do some econ homework for tomorrow first, though, and it ended up taking a while so I couldn't go out. I was happier with that, and it's actually a valid reason for staying in, but I feel bad because I always seem to back out on these things and I feel like I shouldn't be happy that I couldn't go.

I asked Ryan if he's free tomorrow instead, but he said he has plans but couldn't remember what. I should be seeing him Saturday. Hopefully that will be good. I don't know, I can't tell how things with Erin are going to go, but they put a damper on the whole thing. I have these stupid mood swings anyway, and having issues with her always in the background just prompts them more. I'm happy to be able to see him, but at the same time I don't even want to because I feel like what's the point. And then of course there are the times I get paranoid that he doesn't even like me that much (the lasting effects of my first serious, and messed up, relationship).

I just hate it and wish it would stop. I'd like to just be normal and be able to be happy about something good and not have it be tainted. All I feel like doing really is lying in bed.

I got my homework done tonight, which was good, and I went to both dance classes this week (although I did miss some actual classes again). I was going to apply for a committee at the sorority, but that's due tomorrow and I haven't done it yet. Maybe I'll take care of it tomorrow afternoon, or I'll just skip it. Tomorrow morning I have a facial - I have to bike about 2 miles to get to it, but I don't think that should be too bad. Hopefully there's somewhere for me to lock my bike safely at the end. After that I have one class in the afternoon. I guess then I'm done for the day. Maybe I actually can just go back to the apartment and spend it in bed.