Starlight1286's Journal

Yeah, Ryan ended up IMing me around 1:30...clearly he didn't go to sleep at 10. I just don't understand. I'm giving it another week, and if I don't see him more then I'm just going to end it. I know that comes off sounding like a test, but I don't mean it that way. I just can't deal with a situation like this right now - if I'm going to be feeling confused about things or lonely or abandoned, even if that's not the intention, I just can't do it.

I'm sick of not knowing what's going on, and I'm so sick of having to feel afraid every time something happens with a guy. It seems like inevitably there's a point where I realize I could get really hurt and I need to try to back up and start getting over a guy even if I'm still with him. It's not just paranoia, either, because every time I do end up getting hurt. I don't mean I need a relationship that doesn't end, obviously the majority of them eventually will and I accept that. I just wish I could have a relationship where the getting hurt part just happens with the break up.