Journal Entry for February 24, 2008
February 24, 2008 11:10pm
Progress
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NannyJo’s Profile
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About Me
I am a professional writer. My past careers have been English teacher, paramedic, licensed general contractor, residential building contractor, musician, composer, caterer, pharmacy technician, and executive secretary. *Whew!* I am married. I have one biological daughter, who has three daughters. I have 3 terminal illnesses, but the whole "life thing" is terminal, isn't it? It's pretty much down hill after that initial breath. :)
Interests
I am interested in spending time with my husband, daughter, and her family. I am trying to become interested in music as a profession again, but I lack strength or desire... or perhaps a combination of the two. Who knows? I might write a new song that catches on... I was into the 8th chapter of my novel when my house burned down destroying the only copies of it. It was not a good thing... People pointed out that I can rewrite it... I don't think they understand how complicated that would be. I have four pets. A wolf, a golden lab, a black lab, and a Siberian Husky. They are all beautiful and wonderful companions. I have had them for 11 years down to 5 years. They are family members. I like traveling when I'm able. The Alaska cruise nearly killed me. Actually, it was the drive from SC, to Vancouver that was tough! I am currently looking for a new house. My lease is up December 5, and I'm thinking I need a bigger place. So much to do... so little motivation to do it! lol
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Journal Entry for February 19, 2008
February 19, 2008 5:41pm
February 19, 2008
“Another Hurdle”
Today Les had another heart cath. He began experiencing chest pains yesterday, so last night, …
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Journal Entry for January 28, 2008
January 28, 2008 8:30pm
"Is Life Fair?"
I wrote to one of my DS friends: "Life is not fair."
It isn't. It disturbs me to know that with …
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Journal Entry for January 24, 2008
January 24, 2008 11:40am
"The Meaning of Life" Well, here we are... January 24, 2008. Christmas Eve was exactly one month ago. Time sure does fly - …
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Journal Entry for December 9, 2007
December 9, 2007 1:13am
"Merry Christmas Ya'll"
Christmas in Dixie is a bit... uh, "different"... shall we say?
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Pulmonary Hypertension
I have primary pulmonary hypertension. I was diagnosed in December 2005.
Treatments
- Sildenafil Citrate Somewhat Helpful
- I will be adding Tracleer to the mix pretty soon. We will see how that works. I hate the side effects of the Revatio... flushing, sweating, warm feeling all over.
Close Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy
I was diagnosed with RSD in 1998 after sustaining an ankle fracture. It is the disease created in Hell by Satan himself. No one can imagine the type of pain this disorder causes. Mine was so severe, I was deemed permanently disabled by Social Security. That should tell you something about how debilitating it is.
Treatments
- Neurontin Working / Worked
- Neurontin worked wonderfully. I now take Requip.
Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ChildMy daughter was killed in a car accident March 7, 1986. For years I could not even write her name. It took so long to come to terms with this loss. (17 years, actually) Then, June 19, 2006, we recieved word that my step-daughter had been placed on life support. Her life officially ended a week later. How can this happen twice to someone? It can.. and it did.
Treatments
- Crying Working / Worked
- I cried every day for three years... and though I vowed to stop crying four years ago, I have begun crying again since my step-daughter was murdered last year.
- Getting Angry Not Working
- Don't bother getting angry. You can't be angry at a dead child, and they are the ones who deserted you. I used to get so mad at Beth, because I thought she could have NOT died if she had truly wanted to be with me. But that is flawed thinking. Anger leads to bitterness and really- it only hurts you MORE.
- Music Working / Worked
- I had played piano professionally for years. When Beth died, I could no longer play. Afer a few years, I began playing again and found it to be quite healing. I played for ME... not for an audience. I wrote some really good songs as well.
- Pets Working / Worked
- Beth's cat was my constant companion after she died. He did me the grand honor of living until my granddaughter was born in 1991,
- Prayer Not Working
- Everything I believed in seemed to vanish. A loving god would not hurt me this way. No matter how I tried to pray, I felt alone... like I was talking to myself. There is nothing wrong with reevaluating your belief system. I'm comfortable with my current beliefs and I don't apologize for not being a religious zealot. It was MY loss, and I deal with it like I need to... not what some Bible thumper tells me to do.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- Did not work. Medication didn't help either. I eventually had to go it alone. Perhaps I had the wrong therapist. I don't know... but therapy was something I dreaded and after a few weeks, I tossed in the towel.
- Reading Working / Worked
- I still read everything on grieving that I can. It helps to know how others have coped and how they are maintaining.
- Support Groups Not Working
- I am a person who likes to lead and teach. A support group moved way too slowly for me. I wanted everyone to be good communicators, and grieving people can barely communicate at all. It was MY fault the group did not work. It was my faulty personality that did not allow me to be helped by therapy.
- Talking Working / Worked
- Had I not been allowed to talk, cry, and have public breakdowns, I would not have survived that first year. I know people grew exhausted watching my 24/7 grieving... trust me I was completely stripped of all emotion and energy my body possessed.
- Time Working / Worked
- What they say is true... time heals. Or at least it makes the loss easier to live with. I just hated waiting for the time to pass so I WOULD be better.
Open Obesity
I can longer diet or exercise because I took diet pills and they are killing me. Jo
Treatments
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Working / Worked
- I can attest to the fact that eating NO red meat will make you thinner and give you more energy. I did it for 18 months, but then I stupidly started eating it again.
- Weight Watchers Not Working
- Man this diet really works! But it is a lifestyle change and I am too flighty to stick to it.
Open Chronic Pain
In 1998 I developed RSD. What a horrible condition! The pain is unrelenting. I actually got better from RSD, and very few people can say that. I think I actually learned to deal with the pain. Later on, I developed some really serious (terminal) conditions in addition to the RSD. I have a lot of pain. Too much pain. But at least I can FEEL the pain. I would not want to be paralyzed. See? Things could be worse. Jo
Treatments
- Hydrocodone Working / Worked
- I still use this PRN. I try everything before reaching for the Norco, but it does help my pain.
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Relaxation and meditation work wonderfully unless the pain is intense. Then nothing helps.
- Methadone Not Working
- I had a one month's supply and used it probably twice. I didn't like it. It was not long term relief. And I would not recommend it... ever.
- Morphine Working / Worked
- Morphine patches worked. However... I swear they gave me Narcolepsy. The doctor's say this is impossible, but I DID develop narcolepsy while on the patches.
- Nerve Blocks Not Working
- Epidurals were short term at best, and most of the time, did not work at all. I have a friend who was helped, but I would not do it again.
- Neurontin Working / Worked
- The Neurontin was good, except... I got scared to take it. There were so many people developing complications, I decided to stop it and start Requip for my restless leg syndrome.
- Oxycodone Working / Worked
- I still take the Norco on a daily basis. I don't take what I am prescribed, but I rely on it for SERIOUS pain.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
I was seriously abused as a child. I am a grown woman, but this abuse impacted me in such a way that it has caused me emotional distress even years later.
Treatments
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- Forgiveness works if you can actually forgive an abusive grandmother.
- Leave Working / Worked
- When I turned fourteen, I said I would never see her again. I refused to stay with her. That worked.
- Talking Not Working
- I was not ALLOWED to talk about it.
Open Healthy Sex
Sexless Marriage. That is my story. More than five years ago, my marriage hit a wall. Since that time, I have become celibate. Is it a good thing? Who knows? I suspect I am not alone in this type of arrangement.
Treatments
- Patience Too Soon to Tell
- Who knows what works? I have heard you can have total intimacy without sexual activity. I don't agree with that, necessarily. But there is one thing for certain. I have grown accustomed to not being touched. I HATE being touched now.
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