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Well, depression really has me down. I can't seem to kick it. It has to do with alot of things. Number one is the prednisone. I had to go back on it because with the Coumadin (blood thinner) they won't let me take anything else. All the NASAIDS will give you ulcers, so they say and my joints, especially shoulders and hands hurt so bad, I can't stand working, so I had to go back on the prednisone. Secondly this is the first holiday season since my husband left me. I am so lonely and sad. I have no where to go for Christmas eve or Christmas day. No presents or dinner and he is taking my son. I have no money for presents and at the grocery store the other day I had to put things back because I didn't have enough money. I have never had that happen to me before. I went on vacations and wore designer clothes. I feel degraded and worthless. I feel hurt and replaced. All our traditions that I loved and held dear are gone. Going to see the trains Christmas eve and sleeping at my mother in laws so we could wake up Christmas morning and open our gifts. I gave my mother in law a Santa every year and now a new woman will see all of them all over her house. I have been replaced, it is so hurtful, I cannot believe how horrible it feels. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone but my exhusband. I hope what goes around really comes around!
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Well, first day back at work since the PEs. Wow, I'm tired. I'm tired of telling my story, tired of explaing and complaing about why the State of MD that I worked for, for 23 yrs denied by leave bank request for 2008, so now I have to ask people to donate leave to me for my aneursym surgery and that's why I am back to work when I am so tired. I am sick of working with my joints aching (I can no longer take my meds for arthritis like symptoms because of the Coumadin) And most of all I am sick of leaving my 10 yr old son home alone before and after school and worrying, did he take his meds, eat, get on the bus okay, get off the bus into the house etc. I can't get better with all this. My ex is trying to get back into my life and all I want to do is move on. My family is helping me financially so I can sell this townhouse and get a condo, godforbid, I can't take care of this place after surgery. I just feel the need to downsize my life. Anyway tomorrow is my 46 birthday, how the hell I made it I have no idea. Boy I wish I was sitting on a beach somewhere drinking a diet cream soda, smoking a cigarette and listening to Phish. Not much to ask for, I can dream!
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Happy 46th wait till you get to 51.Can you appeal that denied leave?
Tell the ex to take a hike.He blew his chance.
Sitting on a beach with a cold one and a smoke with a cabanna boy to wait on you now THAT is a fantasy!!
A 10 year old is old enough to do a few things on thier own but I to would worry about the meds.Ya'll will eventually get used to all the changes. Have a good Bday..Deb
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I hear you about being tired of telling the story over and over. Check my ? on discussion list. It is always hard leaving a kid home am and pm , can you find a trusted neighbor or friend to stop by before or after school?
Today was an unusual day, my son and almost exhusband came over to help clean out the basement so I can put the house up for sale. My family is going to try to help me get a smaller condo so I can take care of myself and Joey if after my anuersym surgery, I am unable to take care of the townhouse alone. Three levels is just too much for me.
The unusual part of the thing is that my ex just felt guilty and talked about getting back together and what happened between us and our life together. I told him forget it, it was too late, he cheated and I don't trust him now. After we were tired he fell asleep on the couch with my son laying on top of him like he had never left. 2hrs later when he awoke he realized he better leave before his livein girlfriend started wondering where he was and told me he wished I could spend the evening with him and Joey. I guessed today he realized it is really ending and what a fool he is. I figured the divorce papers what have done that, but cleaning out the basement and looking at our past and throwing it away must have really hit the nail on the head. I hope he hurts!
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Oh I am so sorry for you. That exact thing happend to my friend. Just don't let it take you forever before you start pulling your self together. I wish there was something I could do, but it is all about you now. Don't forget you are important too. You need to start living your life for you. Try to find a support group in your area. Now is the time for you to make friends to give you support and friendship. I am sorry again. No one knows how terrible you feel unless they have went through what you are going through now, but I lived it with my girl friend. She had everything just like you. I wish you luck. Hugs, Cat
KitCat40