CrzyPurpleChic's Journal

So I'm not so mad anymore...  I just had to let it go, she was working... not feeling that well... back is really hurting and I'm exhausted. I get to go to the pharmacy first thing in the AM so I can get my pain meds filled.  My mom thinks I'm addicted but I went the whole day without one and didn't feel any side effects of not having a pill.  I think I really need them for my pain and if I'm using them like I'm supossed to then they will too instead of getting me addicted.  right?  I really don't want to get addicted!  Thats the last thing I need. 

My anxiety is really out of control, it's crazy, it's never been this bad in the past except for when I first started getting really sick.  I've considered going back into the hospital, one to get away from here for a little bit and two to see if new meds might help a little bit better??  I just want something to work and for it to work long enough for me to have a "normal" and productive life.  Thats my goal to have a "normal" and productive life following the Lord where He leads.  I get to meet my new counseling team on sunday, I meet with them after church, I'm not even telling my mom I have to stay over cause I know she's going to say no and I really need to get back in the swing of things with church, it really does help the depression and my moods. 

My moods today were so up and down, I was mad then anxious, then mad again, then scared, it was just crazy for me, not the normal thing.  Maybe thats because of the "that time of the month" thing or something else I don't know.  I do know that the hospital has always been a safe and get away type of place for me before I get admitted then I hate it when I'm in there, sorda, I'm taken care of and get to get my stuff thats bothering me out so I can deal with it or learn how to deal with it at home. 

Well I've written a lot and it really is time for me to get to bed. 

Much love and hugs to all... 

I"m so mad at my mom!

She told me that she wouldn't leave me alone all day, she left at noon and isn't back yet and it's nearing 7pm!!!!  I need my pain med, and my other night time meds here in a little bit.  Andrea has to get together so she can go to work and zoe is here so guess who's been made to watch Zoe!  sigh, my shows are on tonight, I just want to lay down and rest my back and watch my shows, it's not fair!

Well I'm feeling much better thanks to alleeve!

I'm really anxious though, and I just dnt like it!  just took my med so hopefully it will kick in soon.  I"m on so many medications it's crazy! 

So... I fell again!  I was going to the garage to do laundry and my mom and sis smoke out there so there is a glass ashtray out there on the step.  I slip on it on my ass broke my moms mopping bucket and chipped the glass ashtray! and my back hurts even more.  The worst thing about all of this is that I only have percocet left and I cant get them filled till tomorrow so I'm in so much pain without any real releif.  I guess thats taught me that people have much more pain than I do and deal with it on a daily basis. 

So I subscribed to YouTube, and I've been addicted to finding videos and songs that I can have on my profile, its crazy, I think I have like 20 now.  Which really isn't much yet, but I just love it!  So now I have something else to take up my time!  Sounds like my mom is finally home from a day at work away from home... nope andrea just left to go pick up zoe. 

AHH I"m so anxious!

So thats about it with me I could write a whole lot more and bore you with lots of little details of my life but I'll spare you.  Have a great day!  God Bless!

Much love and HUGS!

CrzyPurpleChic