Milesbackwards's Journal

So tomorrow I go to the therapist and find out if I'm to be off work another 6 weeks or not. I hope to go back.... I can't stand sitting at home any longer. Since the only med change was to add Lamictal and that takes 12 weeks to start working I think I should go back now and wait until they make another major med change before taking more time off. I miss my friends, I miss the job, I don't miss getting up at 5:00 a.m., but that's another story! LOL

All this sitting at home has only made me more lazy and fat. I have no ambition at all to get up out of my chair and clean or craft anymore. That's not a good place to be. I just want to eat, read, play the Sims 2, and.... that's about it. I have Christmas gifts to wrap (haven't even started) gifts to finish crafting, and a house to clean. My therapist tells me that I'm doing what I need to be doing to heal my brain, but how can something that makes me loathe myself heal anything? I'm having strange dreams that can only be interpreted one way: I hate myself and if I don't manage to make a change, I'll just slide back downward; the last place I want to be.

God, any advice on how to get my mojo back will be really appreciated! I'm on 500mg of Seroquel, 25mg of Lamictal, 30mg of Cymbalta and 30mb of Restoril, and xanax as needed. Seems to me to be too many downers..... Oh, and I still don't sleep more than 3/4 hours before waking up. Sometimes I can get right back to sleep, other times I just have to get up for a couple of hours. Okay now I'm rambling, wandering off to play backgammon some more.

Sue