babysit's Journal

Sexual abuse Mood

Saturday, June 7, 2008 | A General Update story

hi everybody,I hope you're all well.I guess I should explain about my abuse,since i said why I have PTSD.It's not that I was deliberately hiding it,but I didn't think I was having problems because of it.During my last marriage,he treated me like crap,belittled me,told me over and over that I was ugly,fat stupid and bad in bed.He told me that for years,until I finally started believing it.Most of you know about my daughter being sexually molested.You who don't,he molested her from the time she was 12 until 17.She never told me,and when she did,all of a sudden I found it in me to leave him.I had stayed for so long because he had said so many times if I left I'd never be able to take care of myself and 3 kids,I was too stupid.I hated him,but I thought I was doing what was best for my kids.He thought he owned me.When he wanted sex,he took it,no matter how I felt.So I started drinking.If I got so drunk i'd pass out I wouldn't care what he did to me.He never hit me,but what he did was as bad,and I do understand why women stay in abusive relationships.They feel their life is hopeless and they believe everything he says.He brainwashes you.Anyway,thats the gist of my story,it's a shame my daughter had to suffer too,and it's a shame she had to go on for so long.As soon as I did find out I left immediately,but that Dr. says part of my trouble now is because I haven't forgiven myself for staying as long as I did.How do you forgive something like that.Now that same sob is in the hospital with only 1 leg,and not expected to live.Justice?How am I supposed to feel about it?Thats enough about that.Life has been good lately.The sun is hot,hot,hot!temps in the 90's and high humidity.I have to get up early in the mornings to cut my grass.hope you're all well and happy,i've got to go help with my grandkids,goodbye for now,Trish

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Comments

What don't kill us makes us stronger...I also was abused but not sexually mentally and physically and I just know that it made me a better person, kinda wierd...I knew that I didn't want to be that way with my kids and that they deserved better than I had..You are so lucky to have nice weather it was 54 here today and windy and alittle dizzely but we still had Kimber's Birthday party at the park it didn't start to drizzle till we were done..Thank You Lord...I think she is coming down with another cold, her mommy had one so she is getting it, lets just pray she doesn't get it to bad..I hope you have a great weekend..and yes I have to mow about every other day with all the rain we have been getting it shines for one day then rains for 6 lol...Love Ya Vic

Mountaingal8284
I am so sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar situation in my first marriage. It's hardest to forgive ourselves than other people. You were strong and you got out, thank God. As for him, payback is hell. I'm glad life is good for you now. You take care, Love Ya, Debbie

dairydoll
trish, i am so sorry you had to go through that. but at the same time, i am so proud of you walked away from it. you have moved on with your life but it is hard to leave the guilt behind. you at least have the courage to talk about it that goes along way towards healing. one thing you need to try to tell yourself is, it is not you fault. it was his. people like that are great manipulators, we dont have a chance against them. just remember that, ok? love ya, sylvia

banffgirl
I am also so sorry you had to go through that. My step father was very abusive to all of us kids. I always wondered it he had sexually abused us if she would have still stayed as everything else she stayed for.. Im glad I didnt have to find out.. Im sorry you carry that pain with you. I wish your daughter would have told you.. Men can be such sobs... I am so sorry my friend.. luv ya Y'Vonne

meandthebeast
So sorry to hear about the abuse you had to go threw. Remember That saying what goes around comes around. What he did was an awful thing to do. Just know that the way a person treats another person he is treating god in the same manner. And your daughter having to go threw his abuse...no, god will not allow it..you just keep on loving god

danroy
I've finally caught up with journals- so sorry about the trauma in your life and your daughters' life. I am glad that you are getting counseling, and I'm happy about your garden!

kc61